Shared with you
- Sam Malone: Hey listen, you wanna really put a smile on Maris's face, let me tell you what you do.
- [whispers in Nile's ear]
- Niles: Exactly where am I supposed to find whipped cream and a car battery at this hour?
- Sam Malone: You got neighbors, don't you?
- [correcting a continuity error from Cheers]
- Martin: [about Frasier] Hey, Sam, what'd he tell you about me, the father, the old cop?
- Sam Malone: Well, uh, he told me you were dead.
- Martin: [surprised] Dead?
- Frasier: Well, we had an argument one day. He called me a stuffed shirt and hung up on me. I was mad.
- Sam Malone: [to Martin] You were a cop?
- [to Frasier]
- Sam Malone: You told me he was a research scientist.
- [Martin reacts]
- Frasier: [to Martin] You were dead! What did it matter?
- Frasier: [after meeting Sam's fiancee, Sheila] Oh, my god.
- Roz Doyle: She was cute, but she's not an 'oh, my god.'
- Frasier: No, no, no. Not that 'oh, my god.' Oh. my god I slept with that woman three months ago.
- Roz Doyle: [Niles and Roz gape at him] *You* slept with *her*?
- Frasier: Yes!
- Niles: On what desert island with no hope of rescue was this?
- Frasier: What the hell you do mean, you were about to get married?
- Sam Malone: All right, all right. Uh, well, I met this girl six months ago, and we were supposed to get married. And yesterday, I was standing in this church facing this minister, and I hear him say, "Will you take this woman to be your wife?" and I said, "Who, me?" Well, the next thing you know, I'm running down the aisle and I didn't stop running until I got here.
- Frasier: So you're not in Seattle because of the Mariners.
- Sam Malone: Believe me, no ballplayer is in Seattle because of the Mariners.
- Sam Malone: This is strange. I gotta tell you, I didn't know he had a brother.
- Niles: Frasier, I don't mind telling you I'm a little offended that all the time you spent swapping bon mots with the beer nut set you never once mentioned you had a brother?
- Sam Malone: Well, you know, the truth is, I bet he said something, it's just that when Frasier gets going you kind of have to tune him out.
- Niles: That's a good slogan for his radio show- "Dr. Frasier Crane, when he gets going, you have to tune him out."
- Frasier: All right, all right, look, look, Sam, come, let's have a seat here and start this thing from the very beginning. Now, who is this woman?
- Sam Malone: Ah, she's a terrific person. She's smart, and she's funny; she's horny. I mean, she's just the kind of chick you wanna stick up on a pedestal.
- Frasier: You know, Sam, it's always amazed me how you can elevate and demean in the same sentence.
- Sam Malone: I'll tell you, man: She's one in million.
- Frasier: You know, for most guys that's just an expression.
- Daphne Moon: I don't understand this American obsession with sports figures. They're all so superficial.
- Martin: Yeah, it's not like they do anything real important, like sit on a throne or christen ships.
- [first lines]
- Frasier: So, that's our show for today. Don't forget, Bob "Bulldog" Brisco is up next and... oh, yes. This is KACL Cash Call Week. $5,000 when you answer your phone with the phrase that pays. So when your phone rings, don't say "hello", say...
- [Frasier sees Sam outside the studio]
- Frasier: Well, blow me down! No, no, no, no! Just, uh, say, uh, "KACL is the talk of the town." Talk of Seattle, whatever. Bye-bye.
- Roz Doyle: [entering from booth] Fras, I gotta go. Your messages are on my desk and... whoa, who is this?
- Sam Malone: I'm Sam Malone. I was a buddy of Frasier's in Boston.
- Frasier: This is Roz Doyle.
- Roz Doyle: [to Frasier] So this is the Sam Malone you've always talked about? The one who has no respect for women and treats them like dirt?
- [to Sam]
- Roz Doyle: Need anyone to show you around Seattle?
- Sam Malone: Well, you know, to tell you the truth, I'm all right with the city, but I get real lost in my hotel room.
- Frasier: Oh, boy. Just look at the two of you face to face. I imagine wild animals all over the Northwest are lifting their heads, alerted to the scent. Good-bye, Roz.
- Roz Doyle: Well, if you need any company, give me a call. Here's my number.
- Sam Malone: Well, thanks. That's a snazzy card.
- Frasier: Yes, it glows in the dark.
- Roz Doyle: So do I.
- Frasier: So, who's Sheila?
- Sam Malone: Just the um... woman I'm supposed to marry.
- Frasier: Marry? When?
- Sam Malone: Uh, oh boy, um, yesterday.
- Sam Malone: Hey, you know, here's some good news: Woody and Kelly, they had a baby boy.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, that is wonderful!
- [pauses]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Is he...?
- Sam Malone: [long pause] No, he's smart. He's smart.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh! Well, genetics takes a holiday, huh?
- Sam Malone: Hey listen, you wanna really put a smile on Maris's face, let me tell you what you do.
- [whispers in Nile's ear]
- Niles: Exactly where am I supposed to find whipped cream and a car battery at this hour?
- Sam Malone: You got neighbors, don't you?
- Sheila: I'm a sexual compulsive. It's how Sam and I met, in group. Look, that night I spent with you, I guess I just kind of fell off the wagon. What I did was terrible. I felt awful afterwards. It ended up being a kind of turning point for me. That's how it is with addiction; before you get better you have to hit rock bottom.
- Frasier: Yes. Well... I'm glad I could be down there for you.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: So, uh, how's everybody at Cheers?
- Sam Malone: Oh, wow. Uh, well, let's see... you know that Rebecca finally married that plumber?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, yes... it's ironic, isn't it? You know, she spends all her energy trying to land some rich guy and she ends up with an ordinary plumber.
- Sam Malone: Well, that ordinary plumber struck gold. He's got a patent on some low-flow toilet thing. I mean, he's rich beyond her wildest dreams.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, heck, I'm happy for her.
- Sam Malone: Well, don't be - he dumped her. She's back at the bar.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Working at Cheers again?
- Sam Malone: No, she's just back at the bar.
- Sam Malone: Oh, wow, hey, something sure smells yummy here.
- [leans in closer to Daphne]
- Sam Malone: Oh, wait a second, I think it's me.