[Frasier interrupts Niles's psychiatric session with a client, Mr. Carr]
Frasier: [horrified] She's back, the scourge of my existence!
Niles: Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the wall.
Frasier: [horrified] I'm talking about... Diane Chambers!
Niles: [to the intercom] Lucille, send Mr. Carr home.
Daphne Moon: I wish someone would just tell me who this woman is, and why we're trying to impress the pants off her.
Frasier: She's a one-time Boston barmaid who had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a sanitorium, where I met her, fell for her, and then was so mercilessly rejected by her that to this day there remains a sucking chest wound where once there dwelled a heart!
[Diane's recollections of Maris]
Diane Chambers: Niles, do you remember the last time I was in town and we dined together? You had just started dating this woman, she was the queerest little creature...
[accepts a glass of wine from Frasier]
Diane Chambers: Thank you. She ate everyone's sorbet, and then she had to lie down in the ladies' lounge while the coat-check girl massaged her abdomen!
[she laughs loudly, then stops when she notices Frasier's uncomfortable look]
Diane Chambers: Oh, I hope I haven't put my foot in it. You and she didn't get married and live happily ever after, did you?
Niles: No, can't say as we did.
[after Frasier runs across town and bursts into one of Niles's sessions]
Niles: [writing] Well, why do you think you reacted that way?
Frasier: Oh, spare me the psychiatrist bit, Niles! That includes putting down the pad!
[Niles lays his pad on the desk]
Frasier: In the drawer, Niles!
Niles: [complies] Fine. My first question to you is this: are you still in love with her?
Frasier: [shoots up from his chair and paces the office] No! Not in the least! It's a ridiculous suggestion!
Niles: Seeing as I have nowhere to write the phrase "classic denial," I'll move on...
Diane Chambers: So there I was on the balcony of my Malibu beach house when a pod of whales passed by. I knew I had to commune with these gentle giants, so like a flash I was on the beach scrambling to my kayak. But cruel fortune interceded when not twenty yards offshore I suddenly discovered myself entangled in an enormous bed of, of, um...
Niles: Sea kelp.
Diane Chambers: Exactly right. Sea kelp.
Martin Crane: Oh ho, that's funny. I thought he said "Seek help."
Martin Crane: Listen, it's none of my business, but you're not falling for her again, are you?
Frasier: What if I were?
Martin Crane: That woman dumped you at the altar.
Frasier: Oh, that was the old Diane. She no longer sees herself as the center of the universe. And I'm not the old Frasier, either. People can change, Dad.
Martin Crane: Yeah, I suppose you're right. Take me for instance. The old Martin would have said "you're out of your mind. I'd rather see you go gay and shack up with the punk who shot me than go off with her. I'd rather see you sewed up inside the body of a dead horse." But the new Martin just says "vivee a l'amour."
Frasier: The new Frasier resists the temptation to correct your French.
Daphne Moon: [about Diane's facial twitch] That's either a very large twitch or a very small seizure.
Niles: So, about this woman for whom you have so little feeling that you raced across town and burst into one of my sessions... is there any lingering resentment?
Frasier: [shouting] Over what?
Niles: Well, she did leave at the altar. When you told her how that made you feel, was there anything you left unsaid?
[Frasier looks away]
Niles: Any phrase or feeling you wished you had expressed to her?
[Frasier looks away more]
Niles: I'm making the assumption here that you did tell her how you felt.
Frasier: I sort of did.
Niles: "Sort of" is another one of those phrases that just wants to go in my pad.