Frasier: Six months ago, I was living in Boston. My wife had left me, which was very painful. Then she came back to me, which was excruciating. On top of that, my practice had grown stagnant, and my social life consisted of hanging around a bar night after night. You see, I was clinging to a life that wasn't working, and I knew I had to do something, anything. So I ended the marriage once and for all, packed up my things, and moved back here to my hometown of Seattle. Go Seahawks.
[Frasier's single life has been upset by his father moving in with him]
Roz: Ever heard of Lupe Velez?
Roz: Lupe Velez, the movie star in the '30s. Well, her career hit the skids, so she decided she'd make one final stab at immortality. She figured if she couldn't be remembered for her movies, she'd be remembered for the way she died. And all Lupe wanted was to be remembered. So, she plans this lavish suicide - flowers, candles, silk sheets, white satin gown, full hair and makeup, the works. She takes the overdose of pills, lays on the bed, and imagines how beautiful she's going to look on the front page of tomorrow's newspaper. Unfortunately, the pills don't sit well with the enchilada combo plate she sadly chose as her last meal. She stumbles to the bathroom, trips and goes head-first into the toilet, and that's how they found her.
Frasier: Is there a reason you're telling me this story?
Roz: Yes. Even though things may not happen like we planned, they can work out anyway.
Frasier: Remind me again how it worked for Lupe, last seen with her head in the toilet.
Roz: All she wanted was to be remembered. Will you ever forget that story?
[Frasier is showing his father his apartment]
Frasier: Dad, what do you think of that view, huh? Hey, that's the Space Needle there.
Martin: Oh, thanks for pointing that out. Being born and raised here, I never would have known.
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun. Except without the warmth.
Frasier: How was I today?
Roz: Let's see... you dropped two commercials, you left a total of twenty-eight seconds of dead air, you scrambled the station's call letters, you spilled yogurt on the control board, and you kept referring to Jerry, with the identity crisis, as "Jeff."
Frasier: You're a psychiatrist, you know what it's like to listen to people prattling on endlessly about their mundane lives.
Niles: Touche. And on that subject, I heard your show today.
Frasier: No, not Eddie!
Martin: But he's my best friend!
Frasier: But he's weird! He gives me the creeps, all he does is stare at me!
Daphne: [Frasier opens the door to find Daphne adjusting her bra] Oops! Caught me with me hand in the biscuit tin.
Daphne: [looking at Martin's chair] Oh, look at that. It's like I always say. Start with a good piece, and replace the rest as you can afford it.
Niles: [as personality differences between Frasier and Martin are becoming more apparent] Now that you two are settled in, I have to run. I'm late for my "Dysfunctional Family" seminar.
Daphne: You were a policeman, weren't you?
Martin: Yeah, how'd you know?
Daphne: I must confess... I'm a bit psychic.
Daphne: Wait a minute! I'm getting something on you - you're a florist!
Frasier: No, I'm a psychiatrist.
Daphne: Oh, well, it comes and goes. Usually it's strongest around my time of the month... so I guess I let a little secret out there.
Frasier: It's safe with us. Well, Miss Moon, I think we've learned everything we need to about you, and a dash extra!
Daphne: [turning to Eddie] You're a dog, aren't you?
Frasier: My study? You expect me to give up my study, the place where I read, where I do my most profound thinking?
Martin: Ah, use the can like the rest of the world!
Frasier: I mean "burden" in its most positive sense.
Martin: As in, "Gee what a lovely burden"?
Daphne: Oh, you need privacy. I understand. I'll just pop into the loo. You do have one, don't you?
[Frasier nods yes]
Daphne: Oh, I love America.
[Frasier and Niles are looking through brochures for rest homes for Martin, and Niles is trying to talk Frasier into taking him in]
Niles: Golden Acres. We care, so you don't have to.
Frasier: It says that?
Niles: Well, it might as well.
Niles: So I said to the gardener: Yoshi. I do not want a Zen garden in my backyard. If I want to rake gravel every 10 minutes to maintain my inner harmony I'll move to Yokohama.
Niles: Well this offends him, so he starts pulling up Maris's prized Camellia's by the handful. Well, I couldn't stand for that, so, I marched right in the morning room and locked the door till he cooled down.
Niles: You're a good son, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, God, I am, aren't I?
Martin: We call him Eddie Spaghetti.
Daphne: Oh, he likes pasta?
Martin: No, he has worms.
Frasier: Have you ever had an unexpressed thought?
Niles: I'm having one now.
Daphne: [Frasier answers the door and Daphne is standing there with her hand down her blouse] Oh, hello. Caught me with me hand in the biscuit tin. I'm Daphne, Daphne Moon.