[Roz enters the cafe]
Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, good morning, Roz.
Roz Doyle: Good morning.
[she grabs Frasier and kisses him. He wrestles free]
Dr. Frasier Crane: What the hell was that?
Roz Doyle: [looks behind her] Oh, shoot! He's not even here!
Dr. Frasier Crane: Who?
Roz Doyle: Do you remember that guy who dumped me last month? I thought he was right behind me. I just wanted him to see me with another guy so he'd know how completely over him I am.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Good idea, Roz. If that doesn't work, why don't we get married and have some children, that will really fix his wagon.
[in their competition to buy Martin the best gift, Frasier goes overboard and buys an enormous big-screen television]
Dr. Niles Crane: Oh my God, you didn't.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Didn't what? You mean buy dad this television set? Of course I did! It's impressive, isn't it?
Dr. Niles Crane: I knew how jealous you were, but to go to such insane lengths to top me... Frasier, you have lain waste to your apartment with this eyesore!
Dr. Frasier Crane: I disagree! Where you see an eyesore, I see a picture window to a world of art and culture. Just think how a screen this size will enhance the majesty of the Metropolitan Opera. Or the thrilling artists of the Bolshoi!
Dr. Niles Crane: You're quite a Bolshoi artist yourself.
[Niles walks in and sees Roz and Frasier kissing]
Dr. Frasier Crane: Hello, Niles. You know, this isn't what it looks like. You see, her ex-boyfriend was just...
[as she keeps nuzzling him]
Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, just stop that!
Dr. Niles Crane: Please, no explanation necessary. I assume that at the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz Club," it will just be me and the Archbishop.
Roz Doyle: I'll save you the club dues.
Dr. Niles Crane: What-?
[Roz kisses Niles and exits]
Dr. Niles Crane: Everyone kisses better than Maris!
Dr. Frasier Crane: [looking at television speakers] Oh dear God! It's Stonehenge!
Dr. Niles Crane: Hello, Daphne, Sherry.
Dr. Niles Crane: Double latte, please.
Dr. Niles Crane: Is Frasier with you?
Sherry Dempsey: No, he's out shopping for your dad.
Dr. Niles Crane: That jackal!
[Niles races out of the café. A minute later, Frasier comes in]
Daphne Moon: Dr. Crane, did you find something?
Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, I did. It took me most of the afternoon but I finally came up with something I think is just about perfect!
Sherry Dempsey: Oh, Niles forgot his coffee.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles was here?
Sherry Dempsey: Yes, but you know, when I mentioned that you were out shopping for your dad he just shot out of here like a bullet...
Dr. Frasier Crane: That little worm!
[Frasier grabs his shopping bag and exits]