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"Frasier" The Gift Horse (TV Episode 1997) Poster

(TV Series)

(1997)

Quotes

[Roz enters the cafe]

Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, good morning, Roz.

Roz Doyle: Good morning.

[she grabs Frasier and kisses him. He wrestles free]

Dr. Frasier Crane: What the hell was that?

Roz Doyle: [looks behind her] Oh, shoot! He's not even here!

Dr. Frasier Crane: Who?

Roz Doyle: Do you remember that guy who dumped me last month? I thought he was right behind me. I just wanted him to see me with another guy so he'd know how completely over him I am.

Dr. Frasier Crane: Good idea, Roz. If that doesn't work, why don't we get married and have some children, that will really fix his wagon.

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[in their competition to buy Martin the best gift, Frasier goes overboard and buys an enormous big-screen television]

Dr. Niles Crane: Oh my God, you didn't.

Dr. Frasier Crane: Didn't what? You mean buy dad this television set? Of course I did! It's impressive, isn't it?

Dr. Niles Crane: I knew how jealous you were, but to go to such insane lengths to top me... Frasier, you have lain waste to your apartment with this eyesore!

Dr. Frasier Crane: I disagree! Where you see an eyesore, I see a picture window to a world of art and culture. Just think how a screen this size will enhance the majesty of the Metropolitan Opera. Or the thrilling artists of the Bolshoi!

Dr. Niles Crane: You're quite a Bolshoi artist yourself.

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[Niles walks in and sees Roz and Frasier kissing]

Dr. Frasier Crane: Hello, Niles. You know, this isn't what it looks like. You see, her ex-boyfriend was just...

[as she keeps nuzzling him]

Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, just stop that!

Dr. Niles Crane: Please, no explanation necessary. I assume that at the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz Club," it will just be me and the Archbishop.

Roz Doyle: I'll save you the club dues.

Dr. Niles Crane: What-?

[Roz kisses Niles and exits]

Dr. Niles Crane: Everyone kisses better than Maris!

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Dr. Frasier Crane: [looking at television speakers] Oh dear God! It's Stonehenge!

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Dr. Niles Crane: Hello, Daphne, Sherry.

[to waitress]

Dr. Niles Crane: Double latte, please.

[sits]

Dr. Niles Crane: Is Frasier with you?

Sherry Dempsey: No, he's out shopping for your dad.

Dr. Niles Crane: That jackal!

[Niles races out of the café. A minute later, Frasier comes in]

Daphne Moon: Dr. Crane, did you find something?

Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, I did. It took me most of the afternoon but I finally came up with something I think is just about perfect!

Sherry Dempsey: Oh, Niles forgot his coffee.

Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles was here?

Sherry Dempsey: Yes, but you know, when I mentioned that you were out shopping for your dad he just shot out of here like a bullet...

Dr. Frasier Crane: That little worm!

[Frasier grabs his shopping bag and exits]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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