- Daphne Moon: I know you're angry, but please say something.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Angry doesn't begin to describe it.
- Daphne Moon: Niles...
- Dr. Niles Crane: You have violated this person's privacy. If she found out, I... they could suspend my license.
- Daphne Moon: I am so sorry.
- Dr. Niles Crane: And you don't trust me. How could you possibly think there could be somebody else?
- Daphne Moon: Because I was "somebody else".
- Dr. Niles Crane: What?
- Daphne Moon: You were married to two other women while you claimed to have been in love with me. And now that we're together, how can I be sure - really sure - that there won't ever be another somebody else?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Because I would never... because this time, it's different. Our love is different. It's not based on somebody's expectations or-or... anything I'm supposed to be. Uh... when I was with Maris, or with Mel, I found myself thinking about you. Going about my day or, uh... even when I was in a session. I found myself thinking about you. Well, now we're together. I find myself thinking about you. It's not going to stop.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Daphne is asking him about transference] I remember back in my days of private practice, I did have my share of female adulation.
- Roz Doyle: Oh, my god, were you able to cure them?
- Dr. Niles Crane: [Daphne has read one of his patient files] Those files are confidential. How could you?
- Daphne Moon: Look, before you get going, you should probably know...
- Dr. Niles Crane: No, there's no excuse. That is the worst thing you could have done.
- Daphne Moon: You would think so.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [going crazy from a chirping cricket] Do you have any idea what it's like to be awakened intermittently throughout an entire night?
- Roz Doyle: I have a three year old. I can't remember the last time I slept through a night.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, of course. But this constant chirping and chirping, over and over. Really, you can't imagine it.
- Roz Doyle: Really? Did the cricket crawl into bed with you? Did the cricket throw up on you?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [sarcastically] Gee, I wish I had a three year old, so I could win every argument.
- Roz Doyle: Okay, so who is she?
- Daphne Moon: Who's who?
- Roz Doyle: Niles' patient.
- Daphne Moon: All right. I saw one of his files by mistake. The woman is madly in love with him.
- Roz Doyle: So who is she?
- Daphne Moon: Her name is Heather Murphy.
- Roz Doyle: Heather, huh? That's trouble. What else do you know?
- Daphne Moon: Well, that's it. I only got a quick look at the file.
- Roz Doyle: So what are you gonna do?
- Daphne Moon: Nothing. Niles said he can't talk about his patients, so... what choice do I have? I should trust him.
- Roz Doyle: If I found out some babe was after my guy, I would have to know everything about her. What she looks like, her profession, what she's being treated for.
- Daphne Moon: Yeah, I don't think that's relevant.
- Roz Doyle: What if she's a sex addict?
- Daphne Moon: You can be treated for that?
- Roz Doyle: So they say.
- Martin Crane: You sleeping?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I was trying to. I'm attempting to rearrange my schedule. Apparently, His Royal Chirpiness is nocturnal, so I have to be, as well.
- Martin Crane: I got the answer to the problem, right here in this box.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What, we couldn't squash him with the shoes we already own?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [referring to the cricket] Dear God, can't you make him shut up?
- Martin Crane: That prayer doesn't get answered around here.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Dinner is almost ready. Shall I set you a place or would it make you feel better to go out and shoot your own eggplant?
- Martin Crane: Anyway, just give me a half-an-hour and I'll have that pesky cricket out of the kitchen and inside this gecko.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I see. So we set a lizard loose to catch the cricket?
- Martin Crane: Mmm-hmm.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Then what?
- [Martin looks confused]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: We get an owl to eat the gecko? Then we get a tiger to eat the owl?
- [pause]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What eats the tiger, Dad, tell me that!
- Martin Crane: An alligator, for one, smart guy!
- Martin Crane: But that's not going to happen and you know why? Because we'll put a little harness on the gecko so it doesn't run away.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, this just gets better and better.
- Martin Crane: I thought I had some twine here.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I used it to stabilize a veal shank. Why don't you just make a little harness out of, uh... the dental floss?
- Martin Crane: Hey, that's not bad!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I wasn't serious... not my cinnamon waxed!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's asleep, Dad.
- Martin Crane: No, it's not.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Really, he hasn't twitched his tail for two minutes.
- Martin Crane: That's because he's lulling him into a false sense of security. The most dangerous part of a gecko is its mind.
- [long pause]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What-are-you-talking-about?
- [measures with his fingers]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: A gecko's brain is, like, this big.
- Martin Crane: [measures with his fingernails] But a cricket's brain is only this big.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: All right, fine. Where were we?
- Martin Crane: Ann Margaret.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You cannot just blurt out "Ann Margaret" like that. I'm sorry, we can only take ten women to Love Island, all right? We have to put a little thought into this. I'll tell you who makes my list: that dark haired temptress who works at the bookstore.
- Martin Crane: [smiles] Lisa.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You know her name?
- Martin Crane: Are you kidding?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: All this time you've been going down there, I thought you belonged to some kind of book club.
- Martin Crane: Oh, there's a club all right! You know, she got a belly ring last week.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [sighs] That's fantastic!
- Daphne Moon: Why don't you tell me something about your day?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Okay. Let me think.
- [suddenly excited]
- Dr. Niles Crane: I saw the best pair of driving gloves!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, Daphne - I have to take the roast out of the oven. I need the recipe for the glaze. Could you get it? It's in my briefcase in the burnt-sienna colored folder.
- Daphne Moon: No problem.
- [she looks at Martin]
- Martin Crane: Brown. But don't tell anyone I know that.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I think it's coming from in here.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Dad has brought home a cricket!
- Dr. Niles Crane: [genuine fear] A cricket? Get behind me, Daphne!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: How was your hunting trip?
- Martin Crane: Oh, came home empty-handed.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, dear. I guess that means for the next several weeks we'll hear you grouse about the grouse and carp about the carp.
- [laughs at his own joke]
- Dr. Niles Crane: You've been working on that, haven't you?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, there was traffic!