Frasier (TV Series)

The Devil & Dr. Phil (2003)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• Dr. Niles Crane : But surely you don't intend to let the promise of wealth and exposure lure you into her bed.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : It's not gonna come to that. It's all about the dance. It's all about the possibility of sex, the promise that's never delivered that keeps them tantalized. One only needs to know how not to cross the line.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Excuse me, but didn't you sleep with her once?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, that's how I know where the line is.

• Martin Crane : I'd like to stay here and talk to you, but all this sunlight is making me dizzy.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You don't like the sun?

  Martin Crane : Us night shift guys call it, the scare ball.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Martin's staring open-mouthed at Frasier while he talks]  Dad, are you alright?

  Martin Crane : [blinks]  Oh, sorry, Frasier, I haven't talked to anybody for a few days, even this feels kind of weird.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I see Phil has landed you in the lap of luxury.

  Bebe Glazer : Yes, it's a lovely suite. Unfortunately, there's some sort of choir championship this weekend and they practice at all hours.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Is it Madrigal Madness already? I had no idea it was this close to Whitsun.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Dad, why aren't you dressed? It's four in the afternoon.

  Martin Crane : Oh, I've been working nights. My body clock's off. I'm eating bacon and eggs at night and drinking beer in the morning.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That's what you always do.

  Martin Crane : Yeah, but now I'm tired all the time.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Gosh, Roz, isn't that great news? I feel as if a weight has been lifted from me. Oh, it's marvelous!

  Roz Doyle : She's charging you more money and we just lost Spokane.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Big picture! The future is firmly in front of me!

  Roz Doyle : Isn't the future always in front of you?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, but not firmly!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : The man bilked me out of two hundred dollars in a card game.

  Martin Crane : He did not bilk you, it's called a one-eyed jack.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, yes, there is one eye, but the other eye is there by implication!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : So, Bebe. However did you land Dr. Phil?

  Bebe Glazer : We met about a year ago at a charity donkey basketball game.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Donkey basketball?

  Bebe Glazer : Texas, darling. It's like the symphony to them.

• Bebe Glazer : [door knock]  Frasier! Come in.

  [opens door] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : How did you know it was me?

  Bebe Glazer : I felt a certain tingle in the knob.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Indeed.

• Dr. Niles Crane : I think I figured it out: Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Perhaps. But here's my theory: Bebe's had a thing for me for years. This, coupled with the fact that control is an aphrodisiac for her, it's not surprising to find that she hopes to parlay her advantage into a sexual conquest.

  Dr. Niles Crane : But surely you don't intend to let the promise of wealth and exposure lure you into her bed.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : It's not gonna come to that. It's all about the dance. It's all about the possibility of sex, the promise that's never delivered that keeps them tantalized. One only needs to know how not to cross the line.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Excuse me, but didn't you sleep with her once?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, that's how I know where the line is. I almost feel sorry for her. Just another helpless woman suffering from an unslakable thirst for...

  [together with Niles] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Crane!