Frasier (TV Series)

Slow Tango in South Seattle (1994)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• [Niles and Martin are ribbing Frasier about sleeping with his music teacher] 

  Martin : Boy, this really fries me, you know? That woman taking advantage of my kid. Not to mention I was putting out ten bucks a week for piano lessons so you could get your hedge trimmed.

  Niles : Wait a minute. We're not talking about Miss Warner?

  Martin : Don't tell me this was going on during your lessons, too.

  Niles : No. You'll be relieved to know that while Frasier was getting his Rachmaninoffs, I was actually studying music.

• [Niles and Martin are discussing a hot new romance novel] 

  Niles : Maris is reading "Slow Tango In South Seattle." I think it's put thoughts in her head. This morning I found her cooing over the college student who skims the koi pond.

  Martin : I wouldn't concern myself.

  Niles : Do you think it's just innocent flirting?

  Martin : No, I just wouldn't concern myself.

• Martin : You kill me, you know. You get exactly what you want and you're still not happy. Frasier, life is not hard: you make it hard. You don't just let things happen and enjoy it, you gotta analyze everything to death. You could learn a big lesson from this dog here.

  [Gestures to Eddie rolling on the floor] 

  Martin : You know what makes him happy? A sock!

• Martin : [about Maris]  She hasn't taken up horse back riding, has she?

  Niles : No, no, she wanted to but unfortunately her little quadracepts are so tight she's incapable of straddling anything larger than a border collie.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : I can't believe this. I simply cannot believe it.

  Martin : What are you yapping about?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : This... this book. It was written by a man I knew. He's taken an incident from my own life - something I shared with him in confidence one night - and he's turned it into this... this trash!

  Daphne Moon : "Slow Tango"? I just started reading that. You mean to tell me that young man is based on you, Dr. Crane?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, he is, but did Thomas Jay Fallow have the grace to thank me? No! My name isn't even listed in his acknowledgements!

  Martin : What's it about, anyway?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That is not important.

  Daphne Moon : It's about his first time.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [sarcastically]  Thank you, Daphne.

  Niles : Your first time doing what?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [sarcastic again]  Changing a flat tire.

  Niles : Oh... oh!

  Martin : So this whole book's about the night you conceived Frederick?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Very amusing, dad. I'll have you know that was not my first time.

  Martin : Hey, I'm happy to know it wasn't your only time.

  Niles : Just who was this charitable lass?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That is not important.

  Daphne Moon : His piano teacher.

  Martin : His piano teacher?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [sarcastically]  Thank you again, Daphne!