Martin: McGinty's going in for a bypass next month and he's afraid he might not make it out for St. Paddy's Day.
Niles: This is a disaster.
Martin: No, they'll just pop in another pig valve. You know, the only reason he needs it is because he eats so much bacon. So, the same thing that's killing him is keeping him alive. There's your "O. Henry" story.
[Martin takes Eddie into the woods for a bathroom stop]
Martin: All right, Eddie. Let's go sign nature's guest book.
Frasier: I can't stand this. Have we so offended the Millennium gods that they will do anything to ruin this evening? Burn down our restaurant? Hurl vindictive lawmen and duplicate Winnebagos in our path to confound us?
Niles: Cancel the millennium! Chez Henri has burned down!
Frasier: Burned down?
Niles: Apparently, Henri was caramelizing a huge crËme brulÈe in the shape of Puget Sound when a sugar spark ignited a thirty foot papier machÈ "Space Needle." They're already calling it the worst centerpiece disaster in the history of Seattle.
Martin: Well, you can't do a U-ey on an interstate.
Frasier: That's twentieth century talk, dad. Welcome to the future.
Martin: [at the restaurant] I wonder if you can still get sticky shingles here.
Niles: One look at the salad bar says yes.
Cop: Well, well. You boys know what you did wrong back there?
Martin: Yeah, we made a u-turn.
Cop: Nope, you called me a goober.
Roz Doyle: And as for my hangover, it was worth it. I partied my ass off like a brain-damaged test monkey!
Frasier: I see. Well, allow me to congratulate you on your first science-related metaphor.
Daphne Moon: This is for you, from the DMV.
Martin: Oh-ho, I know what this is, the custom plates I ordered for my Winnebago!
[holds them up]
Martin: Yay! Well, fifty bucks, but I think it says it all.
Frasier: "Erd... whirr-er"?
Daphne Moon: "Rid Worry-er"?
Frasier: "Red Wearer"!
Martin: Oh, for God's sake! "Road Warrior!"
Daphne Moon: Of course! For a retired man with a cane and a Winnebago, I don't know why my mind didn't go straight to it.
Daphne Moon: Bloody hell! Five days after Christmas is over and I'm still getting these cards! They do it on purpose, you know. It's always from someone you forgot, and then it's too late to send one back, then they sneer at you for the rest of the year! "Peace and Goodwill," my ass! You just lost yourself a customer, Dr. Naran S. Gupta, D.D.S.!
Martin: Losing a set of English teeth, he'll feel that!
Frasier: [answers phone] Hello?
Niles: [on phone] Frasier?
Niles: Niles. Put your fears to rest. I've got Dad's Winnebago back!
Frasier: Niles, what on earth are you talking about? You must've had a nightmare.
Niles: Indeed I have, but it's over now, and I've managed to give the thugs a taste of their own thieving medicine!
Frasier: [sees that Niles is not in the back of the Winnebago and gasps] Niles! Niles, where are you calling from?
Niles: From behind the wheel of the Road Warrior! And doing a damn fine job driving, I might add!
Frasier: But *I'm* in the Road Warrior! You got in the wrong car, you idiot! You've STOLEN a Winnebago!
Niles: Oh, don't be absurd...
[sees pictures of an old lady with her grandkids and a mug reading 'World's Greatest Grandma']