- Daphne Moon: I've decided to make Grammy Moon's famous sheep's head stew.
- [looks of horror]
- Daphne Moon: Oh, don't worry; the name's a bit misleading... It's actually more of a soup.
- Martin: [Frasier after learning Martin is picking up the tab at Le Cigare Volone, tells the waiter that he and Niles are eating light] You're eating light? All the way over here you had the same look on your face that Eddie gets when he hears the can opener.
- Frasier: [to Niles] Thank God for the starch in that shirt or there'd be nothing holding you upright!
- Niles: [about Maris] She's pushed me around long enough. Metaphorically of course. In reality she can hardly push at all. Like that terrible afternoon last spring she spent trapped in the revolving doors at Bergdorf's!
- Frasier: Do you remember a time when I was... oh, six or seven years old, and you were getting ready for work, and you were getting dressed. I was playing with your badge, and you sat me down, and you said that it was not a toy, that it was a symbol of something very important - of integrity, and honesty, and helping people... Well, from then on, every time I'd see you put on that badge, I would, uh, I would think of that.
- Martin: I just said it so you'd stop playing with the damn thing. You were getting it all sticky.
- Frasier: Yeah, well, be that as it may... I've tried to live up to your example, and help other people. I've tried, as a psychiatrist, to conduct myself with the same integrity that you showed as a police officer. And, when I find myself in a quandary as to the proper course of action, I think of you wearing that badge, and then I know what I have to do. You gave me that.
- Niles: [on the telephone] Oh, how dreadful.... You poor thing!... No, of course I understand. The important thing is that you get better. You are a dear for calling...
- [hangs up]
- Niles: ... you lying, two-faced cow!
- Frasier: So, she's not really sick?
- Niles: Oh, hardly. Maris is luring away all my confirmed guests. Suddenly, there are accidents, deaths in the family - a wave of misfortune is sweeping through society's blue bloods at a rate unprecedented since the French Revolution!
- Frasier: The next time we go to see a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, not only may you pay for the tickets, but also for the wild horses it will take to drag me there.
- Martin: Well, I'm only mad because we had an agreement. Now, a man's supposed to honor his agreement, didn't you learn anything from that movie?
- Frasier: Yes, only that bullets are useless against a man who can kick really high.
- Frasier: The little white lies one will tell for a good table. Of course, I would compliment a black velvet Elvis right now if Chef Wakim's lobster comfit were at stake!
- Frasier: Honestly, Niles, by calling her so many times you've given her all the power. You're much better off coming from a position of strength.
- Niles: Don't pour that sherry on your shirt - it will stain.
- Frasier: What?
- Niles: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was the portion of the afternoon where we gave each other patently obvious advice.