Frasier (TV Series)

Love Bites Dog (1996)

Peri Gilpin: Roz Doyle

Quotes 

• [Bulldog has locked himself in a toilet cubicle] 

  Roz : [as Niles comes in]  Bulldog, if you don't come out of there in the next ten seconds I'm gonna reach in there and pull you out by your ankles.

  Niles : Hello, Roz, playing hard to get?

• Roz : [Bulldog runs out of the booth sobbing]  Wait, Bulldog. We need a tape! Where's "The Best of Bulldog"?

  Bulldog : [sobbing]  She took the best of Bulldog!

• Roz : She plays chess, she loves your show, and I know this sort of thing doesn't matter to people like you, but I've seen her in the shower at the gym and...

  Frasier : Oh please.

  [walks out] 

  Roz : she has a body that makes Bo Derek look like Bo Diddley.

  Frasier : [pokes his head back in]  A chess player, did you say?

• [Roz is trying to set Frasier up] 

  Roz : When was the last time you were with a woman? Seems like almost a year.

  Frasier : Oh, it has not been that long. I mean, that is a laugh! Hah! The last time was... er... well, let's see... Well, the tree was still up... Oh, God!

• Roz : Her name is Sharon. She's five-seven...

  Frasier : Oh Roz, I'm not interested.

  Roz : But she's an incredible person. She's smart, she's funny, she's a former pro-golfer. She just hasn't met the right guy.

  Frasier : A woman golfer. Are we quite certain there is a right guy?

  Roz : She dates men.

  Frasier : Not this one.

• Frasier : The whole thing catapulted me back to high school. You know me as an adult, but back then I was rather an un-athletic, bookish sort.

  Roz : [sarcastically]  Get out!

  Frasier : Jocks were the bane of my existence. They would always call me a "weenie" and steal all the girls that I wanted.

• Roz : Oh my God. It's in love!

  Bulldog : Last night for the first time in my life I actually said those three little words: "stay for breakfast."

  Frasier : You had sex with Sharon?

  Bulldog : Doc, please! We "made love." You know what? I gotta call her.

  [picks up the phone] 

  Bulldog : No, wait. No, I gotta play hard to get.

  [slams phone down] 

  Bulldog : But I miss the sound of her voice. I'm calling her.

  [picks up phone] 

  Bulldog : No, wait. It's too needy. Chicks hate that.

  [puts phone down] 

  Bulldog : I shouldn't call her. But I want to!

  [picks up phone before putting it down again] 

  Bulldog : Doc, what should I do?

  Frasier : [bewildered]  Don't ask me, I don't even know who you are!

• Roz : Hey Frasier, do you have a minute?

  Frasier : Yes, of course, Roz. What is it?

  Roz : Well, you're not going to like this idea. You're going to complain and make up excuses and then say no anyway.

  Frasier : Those are the very words I would use to woo my dear Lilith.

• Roz : Okay, here goes. I have this friend and I think you two would really hit it off.

  Frasier : And you were wondering if I might meet her for a drink, which might lead to dinner, and then after that who knows where?

  Roz : Yes, exactly.

  Frasier : [suddenly gets concerned]  Ooh, oh Roz. Do you hear that?

  Roz : What?

  Frasier : If you listen very carefully, you can actually hear my skin crawling!