Frasier: [about Niles's fall in the Cafe Nervosa] My god, Niles, that was brilliant! You even got a tear in your eye!
Dr. Niles Crane: I landed on a fork.
[Frasier is being saluted as a hero]
Dr. Niles Crane: [sulkily] No one's ever given me the thumbs-up.
Frasier: Well, Niles, I've driven on the freeway with you. The rest of the hand has been well-represented.
Daphne: [to Frasier] I want you to know that your assertiveness inspired me. For weeks now, some louse has been removing my wet clothes from the washer and leaving them on the table in a soggy mess. This morning, I decided to get my revenge. So I took off my new red panties and I popped them in with his whites.
Dr. Niles Crane: Bravo, Daphne. Good for you. God, I wish I'd been there.
Frasier: Daphne, don't you think you were overreacting just a bit?
Daphne: Absolutely not. Those were my panties and I wasn't afraid to use them!
[Niles bites down on his fist]
Dr. Niles Crane: [to Frasier] There he is the man who floats like a lepidoptera and stings like a hymenoptera.
Frasier: Look, Dad, would you mind terribly if I used the TV tonight? I went to three video stores to get this tape. I'm just dying to see it.
Martin Crane: [who's been watching a "funniest home videos" show] Sure, go ahead. How many times can you watch a dog get hit with a swinging door?
Frasier: [eyeing Eddie] Depends on the dog.
Frasier: People of Seattle! Listen to me! We are not barbarians! We are not Neanderthals and we are NOT FRENCH!
[Frasier's upstairs neighbor is playing his own loud rock music]
Frasier: How does an arrested adolescent who barely knows two chords get a penthouse?
Daphne: His last album sold five million copies.
Frasier: I'll just add that to my list of reasons to die.
[after Niles's fall]
Frasier: Oh, Niles. Niles, I'm here for you. I promise we're going to get you the best care that THIS MAN'S MONEY CAN BUY!
[while Frasier's upstairs neighbor is playing loud rock music]
Martin Crane: I'm gonna take a nap.
Frasier: Dad, you can't possibly expect to sleep in this racket.
Martin Crane: Are you kidding? I've slept through worse than this. In Korea I dropped off in a foxhole right outside P'Anmunjom. By the time I woke up the cease-fire was over and I was the only one who didn't know about it. Talk about having egg on your face.
Frasier: Somebody parked in my space again and I had to park six blocks from here and sprint the whole way. By the end my tweed pants were giving off so many sparks I almost caught myself on fire.