Frasier: [about Donny] He's nothing but a hopeless romantic.
[He opens the door to Donny, who is on his cell phone]
Donny Douglas: Any idiot knows you've got to pay a hooker in cash! I'm at a meeting, I'll call you later, bye.
Donny Douglas: I've got this client, he's in the middle of a divorce, right? And his wife finds all these charges from this place called "Executive Match." It turns out to be a call girl service. When she gets through with him she'll have his house, his car, she'd have his beach house too if I hadn't already taken it. Women!
[Frasier breaks the news to Niles about his new girlfriend]
Frasier: She's a prostitute.
Niles: Frasier, I don't like lawyers anymore than you do, but frankly a man whose face is plastered on every bus in town should be careful what terms he bandies about.
Frasier: Niles, "Executive Match" is an escort service! One of Donny's clients was caught using them.
Niles: I don't believe you.
Frasier: Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say, is she fascinated by everything about you, even your collections?
Niles: Well, yes. Actually, I even showed her my rarely-seen collection of eighteenth-century Portuguese bud vases.
Frasier: And how did she react?
Niles: Well, if you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collected porcelain and... Oh my God, I'm dating a whore!
Niles: Frasier, do you remember the time the Kreizel brothers tied me to their Great Dane and lobbed meatballs down their gravel driveway?
Frasier: I told you, Niles, I would have helped you, but their sister was holding me down.
Daphne: I suppose she can be a bit overbearing. But as she often points out, she is paying for the wedding and I am her only daughter and giving birth to me was so painful she did bite through a kitchen spoon.
Frasier: Daphne, just don't let you mother guilt you into having the wedding she wants instead of the wedding you want.
Daphne: Oh, don't worry, Mum already promised me I could have the wedding I want, as soon as I have a daughter who gets engaged.
Niles: If all goes well, in two weeks I shall storm the citadel of her womanhood.
Frasier: Just picture it, Daphne. Aren't they something? As you and Donny exit the church one dozen white birds of peace will be released and circle above. Of course, we'll use fourteen in actuality; the power lines always take out a few.
Niles: [Niles describes the date he was on] She was...
[takes a cat hair from his jacket and puts it on the floor]
Niles: ... a cat person. She brought her cat on our date. Well, she had good reason, it was Mr. Waggles's birthday. Actually his birthday party. Actually, his surprise birthday party.
Frasier: I'm sorry, where on earth did you meet this woman?
Niles: At Nordstroms. We both reached for the same cashmere throw and she said she needed something to keep her Waggles warm. I thought it was a coy euphemism.