Frasier (TV Series)

Don Juan in Hell: Part 2 (2001)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Martin Crane : Guess it just wasn't meant to be.

  Daphne Moon : But don't give up! There's a lid for every pot.

  [She stands and moves to Niles, who puts his arm around her] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : Mmm, that's right. Good things come to those who wait.

  Martin Crane : And there are plenty of fish in the se...

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Dear God! I will choke on another platitude! Please! Can't you say something helpful for once?

  Martin Crane : [fed up]  Well, I'm sorry if the material isn't fresh anymore! It isn't easy coming up with happy talk every time you can't make it work with a woman!

• Lilith : Failure is a result, Frasier, not a cause, try to focus on the core.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Maybe there is no core. Maybe fate is just conspiring against me! Have you ever considered that?

  Lilith : No, there's no such thing as fate.

  Nanette : Ha! If that were true, there'd be no such thing as astrology!

• Bob : So how do you know Kirby?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I was his tutor.

  Bob : Yow! How much do I owe you for that?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : It was a pleasure really. So you're Kirby's dad, Lana's ex who ran off with a dental hygienist.

  Bob : But you can call me Bob.

• Lana Gardner : I just want you to know, Frasier, that no matter what happens, you are a really good...

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Don't... Don't use the F-word.

  Lana Gardner : I wasn't about to!

  [Playfully tapping his shoulder] 

  Lana Gardner : I was going to say we're *friends*!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [to Martin, Niles and Daphne]  So where are you guys off to?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, just one of Dad's movies. You want to join us? I brought my "Itty-Bitty Book Light."

• Lilith : [distracted by Diane's singing]  Can you make that stop?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm sorry. It's stuck in my head.

  Diane Chambers : [singing]  "I was unwise with eyes unable to see..."

  Lilith : [Frasier stands and puts a hand to his forehead. Diane stops]  Thank you.

• Dr. Niles Crane : Hey, how did things go with Lana?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, I think she's going back with her ex-husband. He showed up at the party, and I ended up counseling her to give him a second chance.

  [He sits on the couch] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : It was the noble thing to do... although my honor won't keep me warm at night.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Frasier has a tremendous moment of revelation]  All right, wait a minute! That's it! That's my problem. *You* are always there! I have carried you with me throughout every relationship, on every date. You pick apart every woman I care about and you remind me how much it'll hurt if I open myself up. You don't help me. You hold me back! How will I ever move forward, if I don't put *you* behind me...?

  [He turns around. The four women are gone. He smiles] 

• Dr. Frasier Crane : So that's it... all this work, just to find out that I have a fear of rejection?

  Lilith : That's right.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [beside himself]  So I'm alone... because I'm afraid to be alone?

• Dr. Frasier Crane : All right. I screwed things up with Lana. But wait, that wasn't my fault. She was still in love with her ex-husband.

  Lilith : No, Lana is not the problem.

  Hester Rose Crane : No, she wasn't right for you at all.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, mother, you would say that. You never approved of any of my relationships.

  Hester Rose Crane : Don't pin this on me. I liked Claire.

  Diane Chambers : Oh, she was perfect for you.

  Nanette : Everybody thought so.

  Hester Rose Crane : So why didn't it work out?

  Lilith : Maybe because she was just right for you.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : What does *that* mean?

  Hester Rose Crane : Well, Claire was everything we ever looked for in a woman.

  Lilith : And that terrified you.

  Diane Chambers : Because inevitably she would have left you.

  Nanette : And so, of course, you ran away.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No. No, no, no. I left Claire because I discovered I had feelings for Lana.

  Lilith : You *created* feelings for Lana...

  Hester Rose Crane : Who was extremely flawed...

  Lilith : So you'd have an excuse to leave Claire.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, but I didn't need an excuse. I didn't love her!

  Lilith : You didn't *want* to love her.

  Hester Rose Crane : She was too good.

  Diane Chambers : And that's why you were afraid.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : All right, you're saying that I'm afraid of a good woman?

  Hester Rose Crane : You're afraid of *losing* a good woman. Again.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [wounded]  I see. My own family has turned on me in my darkest hour! After a day of personal torment, I stagger homeward chapfallen...

  [Frasier turns away. Martin exits, following Niles and Daphne] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : ... in search of comfort in the bosom of my family, but do they indulge me and permit me to suckle? No, instead they...

  [He turns and sees that they have all left the room during his tirade] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [pauses]  Well, I've said my piece.

  [Frasier exits with a sense of just indignation] 

• Martin Crane : Why don't I just stay here to keep you company?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No, really Dad, I'm fine.

  Martin Crane : You sure?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes. In fact, I'm... I'm better than I've been in quite some time. Mainly because of one very important thing I learned...

  Martin Crane : Great!

  [to Niles and Daphne] 

  Martin Crane : Let's roll.