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"Father Ted" Tentacles of Doom (TV Episode 1996) Poster

(TV Series)

(1996)

Quotes

Father Jack Hackett: [Repeated line] That would be an ecumenical matter!

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Father Dougal McGuire: Bishops love sci-fi!

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Father Dougal McGuire: I don't believe in organized religion.

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Bishop Facks: So, Father. Do you ever have any doubts about the religious life? Is your faith ever tested? Anything you would be worried about? Any doubts you've been having about any aspects of belief? Anything like that?

Father Dougal McGuire: Well, you know the way God made us all, right? And he's looking down at us from heaven and everything?

Bishop Facks: Uh-huh.

Father Dougal McGuire: And then his son came down and saved everyone and all that?

Bishop Facks: Yes.

Father Dougal McGuire: And when we die we're all going to go to heaven?

Bishop Facks: Yes. What about it?

Father Dougal McGuire: Well, that's the bit I have trouble with.

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Father Ted Crilly: That's the great thing about Catholicism - it's so vague. No-one knows what it's really all about.

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Father Ted Crilly: Now Jack, today we're going to have a few elocution lessons.

Father Jack Hackett: [tossing an empty bottle aside] DRINK!

Father Ted Crilly: Now, you can't be saying that all the time when the bishops are here.

Father Jack Hackett: FECK!

Father Ted Crilly: No, not that one either.

Father Jack Hackett: GIRLS!

Father Ted Crilly: Let's go back to "drink" for the time being.

Father Jack Hackett: DRINK!

Father Ted Crilly: Now, try to read the first word.

[Ted indicates a blackboard, which reads "That would be an ecumenical matter" and "Yes"]

Father Jack Hackett: DRINK!

Father Ted Crilly: No... That.

Father Jack Hackett: DRINK!

Father Ted Crilly: THAT!

Father Jack Hackett: DRINK!

Father Ted Crilly: Come on now, Father... if you do it, there'll be a little drink in it for you.

Father Jack Hackett: Drink?... Th... th... thaa... thaa... DRINK!

Father Ted Crilly: Nearly, Father! You almost had it. Try again!

Father Jack Hackett: Th... th... thAT! THAT!

Father Ted Crilly: Yes! Now, come on, Father, let's keep it going! Would!

Father Jack Hackett: wo... wo... wo... DRINK!

[Ted punches the blackboard over in disgust]

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Bishop Facks: So, Father. Do you ever have any doubts about the religious life? Is your faith ever tested? Anything you would be worried about? Any doubts you've been having about any aspects of belief? Anything like that?

Father Dougal: Well, you know the way God made us all, right? And he's looking down at us from heaven and everything?

Bishop Facks: Uh-huh.

[nods]

Father Dougal: And then his son came down and saved everyone and all that?

Bishop Facks: Yes.

Father Dougal: And when we die we're all going to go to heaven?

Bishop Facks: Yes. What about it?

Father Dougal: Well, that's the bit I have trouble with.

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Bishop Brennan: He did kick me in the arse!

[Runs out, knocking the Pope over]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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