A local milkman seeks revenge after Father Ted gets him fired.



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Episode complete credited cast:
Pat Mustard
John Rogan ...
Mr. Fox
Eamon Morrissey ...
Father Beeching
Arthur Mathews ...
Father Clarke
Gail Fitzpatrick ...
Mrs. Millet


Ted is shocked to find that the island milkman Pat Mustard has been having sex with his lady customers - including possibly Mrs Doyle - and reports him to the dairy manager. As a result Pat gets sacked and Dougal takes on the delivery round as the manager trusts a man of God. A vengeful Mustard has attached a bomb to the milk float which will activate at four miles an hour and detonate if the speed then falls below four. Ted manages to save Dougal thanks to a decorative brick that Mrs Doyle has brought into the house and Pat Mustard ends up literally hoist by his own petard - and fatally so. Written by don @ minifie-1

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Release Date:

27 March 1998 (UK)  »

Company Credits

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Technical Specs




Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
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Did You Know?


The top speed on the milkvan is seven mph. See more »


When Dougal says, "I'll turn up the volume," and the truck zooms past, causing him to faint, his headphones are alternately over his eyes/behind his head. See more »


Father Beeching: Is there anything to be said for saying another mass?
See more »


Spoofs The Sweeney (1975) See more »

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User Reviews

Ted cuts the mustard as Mrs Doyle meets Marilyn Monroe in a milky love affair
20 August 2015 | by (Swansea, United Kingdom) – See all my reviews

I watch this episode (quite often) with huge joy, it is one of the funniest episodes of Father Ted, and one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

For starters you wonder why Mrs Doyle is glammed up, and then you see why, Pat Mustard, then hairy, charismatic new Milk man. Mrs Doyle is using milk where possible in order to get him to the Paroquial House, and Father Jack has a new pet brick, everything is normal. Until, a baby contest puts Pat in the frame several times for fathering several hairy babies. Ted gets Mustard fired, while Dougal takes up the milk round, but Mustard has left something on the float, a bomb......

There are laughs throughout this episode from start to finish, for me it's always Jack that has me in fits, and he doesn't let me down, his pet brick is hilarious as is Mrs Doyle's insane laughing. Dougal's milk round, and the mass is insane.

A more interesting take on the movie Speed, as Ted and co do it Craggy Island style.

Total and utter comedy brilliance. This episode is perfect from start to finish. 10/10

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