Fr. Buzz Cagney: You know what I do with $400? I wipe my ass with it.
Father Ted: Good God. And can that still be used as legal tender?
Father Dougal: [at the Airport] I think this is the greatest moment of my life!
Mrs. Doyle: Me too!
Father Jack Hackett: [shouts] Big bras!
Fr. Buzz Cagney: I know they're gonna love ya in the States, Ted. You put on a show! But remember, it's a competitive market! You'll be up against Billy Graham and those Nation of Islam guys! You gotta get your own inch, you gotta grab 'em! You know where to grab 'em?
Father Ted: Yeah, by the balls!
Fr. Buzz Cagney: I was gonna say by the shoulders...