Mrs. Doyle: Football, football, football, football, football, football, football, football, football... what you men see in it, I don't know.
Mrs. Doyle: A load of men kicking a bit of leather around a field...
Mrs. Doyle: You men, the things you think are "great fun". Like going to the films, a load of men sitting around looking at films! And rollercoasters, a load of men in a rollercoaster going up and down on a big metal track! And sailing, a load of men in a big boat floating around in the sea! And shouting, a load of men going around shouting! And so forth.
Father Dougal McGuire: [Dougal putting Mrs Doyle right about football] There's nothing stupid about football! And there's nothing at all stupid about the Annual All-Priests Five-a-Side over 75s Indoor Football Challenge Match against Rugged Island.
Father Ted Crilly: More bad news, Dougal. I've just been speaking to Father Ned Fitzmorris. He tripped on a paving stone and one of his kneecaps fell off. There's no way around it... I'm going to have to put him in goal.