- Father Ted: [trying to explain himself] I'm not a fascist, I'm a priest. Fascists go round dressed in black telling people what to do, whereas priests... er... More drink!
- Colm: I hear you're a racist now, Father? Should we all be racist now? What's the Church's position? I'm so busy down on the farm I won't have much time for the ol' racism.
- Father Ted: What?
- Mrs. Carberry: [wildly gesticulating] Good for you, Father! Good for you! Somebody finally had the guts to stand up and say it! They come over here, after our jobs and our women, fecking Greeks!
- Colm: It's not the Greeks, it's the Chinese he's after!
- Father Ted: I'm not after the Chinese! I'm not a racist!
- Mrs. Carberry: I don't care so long as I can have a go at the Greeks! They're the ones who invented gayness!
- [Ted is trying to explain that he isn't a racist, by buying drinks for Chinese men. He raises his glass]
- Father Ted: To China!
- [everybody cheers]
- Chinese man: [raising his glass] To Craggy Island!
- [everybody cheers]
- Father Ted: More drink!
- [everybody cheers]
- Bar tender: I'm sorry, the bar's closed.
- [everybody cheers]
- Father Ted: How about we all go back to my place for a drink?
- [everybody cheers]
- Father Dougal: Wait, I need to go to the toilet first.
- [everybody cheers]