- Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. When's the last time you slept?
- Laura Lee Winslow: I'm not sure... what day is this?
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [seeing what Laura looks like without sleep] You remind me of a movie star.
- Laura Lee Winslow: Who?
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Freddy Krueger!
- Harriette Winslow: [Sees Laura enter, very disheveled and gloomy] Laura, are you OK?
- Laura Lee Winslow: No.
- Harriette Winslow: What's wrong?
- Laura Lee Winslow: I snuck out of the house and went to the library.
- Carl Otis Winslow: You disobeyed me? Young lady, what do you have to say for yourself?
- Laura Lee Winslow: [Starts crying] I can't remember the atomic weight of titanium!
- Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, I forbid you to live this house until you get some rest.
- Laura Lee Winslow: Dad, you're exacerbating the problem instead of ameliorating it!
- Carl Otis Winslow: [Confused] I am not, but just to be sure, I'm going downstairs to check the dictionary.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, how do you know Sam the Slam?
- Harriette Winslow: Well I met him at the market, he's my favorite checker.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Checker?
- Sam The Slam: Yeah, just promoted from bagger.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Oh... well I guess I thought that someone with a college education would be doing something a little different.
- Sam The Slam: I never graduated.
- Eddie Winslow: Well why not?
- Sam The Slam: That three point shot against Georgetown was the highlight of my career. Turned out to be the last game I ever played.
- Eddie Winslow: How come?
- Sam The Slam: The following week, I shattered my right knee.
- Eddie Winslow: Oh, in practice?
- Sam The Slam: No, in the shower. It's okay to sing in there, but it's not okay to dance.
- Eddie Winslow: Well couldn't the doctors fix you up?
- Sam The Slam: Well they tried. I had four operations over the next two years, but this baby was never the same.
- Eddie Winslow: Gee, Sam, that's tough.
- Sam The Slam: Yeah, one day I'm a big star, the next day I'm Mr. Nobody. My professors had been giving me a free ride, but when I got hurt, they expected me to get good grades, and you know what? I could barely read.
- Eddie Winslow: Well, did you flunk out?
- Sam The Slam: Almost as fast as I used to drive the lane. I'm back in school now but... I sure lost a lot of time.