- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I know that I'm not worthy of you, but I just can't help loving you. It's like wanting to touch a star- you know you'll never reach it but you've just gotta keep trying.
- Laura Lee Winslow: [crying] Steve why do you always say things like that?
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: These last 2 weeks have been wonderful for me. It's the closest I'll ever get to marrying you- thats why I wanted you to have this- no strings attached- just the one to my heart.
- Laura Lee Winslow: [after Steve gives her a ring] This is real! Where did you get the money for this?
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: From my stay away fund- every year all my relatives send me money and hope that I won't visit them.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You won't be sorry, sir. I can assure you that we Urkels are a fine, old family, with a proud name. You know that in Kenya, "Urkel" means "a benign cyst on the foreleg of a wildebeest"?
- Laura: Where did you get the money for this?
- Steve Urkel: From my stay-away fund. Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them!
- Rachel Crawford: [after Harriette lets Carl go to a bachelor party] Harriette, why'd you let him go?
- Harriette Winslow: Well what was I supposed to do, beg him to take me to dinner?
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Honey, Carl is my son, and in my eyes he can do no wrong... but he's your husband, you should've *knocked* him into the middle of next week.
- Richie Crawford: [at the dinner table] Mommy, I'm sure glad Uncle Carl is back.
- Rachel Crawford: What do you mean, back, Richie? He didn't go anywhere.
- Richie Crawford: Uh huh, Aunt Harriette said he was in the doghouse.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Ready for dessert my little crepe-suzette?
- Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, I'm stuffed, you cooked me seven meals today.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It would've been eight, but I didn't like the smell of that sushi.
- Harriette Winslow: You know, when Carl and I were first married, he did all kinds of things to show how much he cared. He'd send me flowers for no reason at all, call me a dozen times a day just to say 'I love you'. But he doesn't do those things anymore.
- Rachel Crawford: Well Harriette, doesn't that make you angry?
- Harriette Winslow: No, it doesn't make me angry. It makes me scared.
- Carl Winslow: [the morning after they went to a hockey game] Morning, Harriette, how're you feeling?
- Harriette Winslow: [with a big bandage on her forehead] How do you think I feel? I got hit in the head with a puck.