- Harriette Winslow: So what do you have to say for yourself?
- [Clarence remains silent and sits down]
- Harriette Winslow: I'm surprised, after all you have done, you only have a whole lot to say. You know what really bothers me, Clarence, you took Eddie and Steve with you. Now if you want to mess up your life, that's your problem. But when you mess with me and mine, you in big trouble. Swagger in here with your cigarettes and your arrogant attitude and you think you're so cool.
- [Stands Clarence up]
- Harriette Winslow: Let me tell you something: you're not cool, Clarence. Cool is respecting yourself and the people that care about you. Cool is knowing the difference between right and wrong. And when you make a mistake, having the courage to admit to it. That's what cool is Clarence. Clarence, are you sorry for any of this?
- Clarence: [remorseless] Yeah. I'm sorry I got caught.
- Harriette Winslow: [disgusted by his attitude] Okay. I've given you every opportunity. Get upstairs and pack your bags. You're going home.
- Clarence: What, you bluffin'?
- Harriette Winslow: No, I'm not. Get upstairs and pack your stuff, Clarence. I'll call your mother and tell her you're on your way.
- Clarence: [Clarence walks to the staircase and turns back to Harriette] Fine! I don't need you! Cousin!
- Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. At the airport he picked up 6 bags.
- Laura Lee Winslow: So?
- Carl Otis Winslow: So, only two were his.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship.
- Laura Lee Winslow: So?
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It was on his tongue!
- Halawna, Oneisha: [pop up in the car Clarence stole] Surprise!
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [shocked] And he brought hooters!
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: That's hotties, Steve.
- Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. His parents were very upset.
- Carl: Why? Because he was in jail?
- Lt. Murtaugh: No, because I brought him back.
- Clarence: Yo, E-man, Chicago got any women?
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh yeah. I know all the babes. They can't keep their hands off me.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: That's true! Eddo's been slapped more times than a piñata!
- Clarence: Dude, you a serious little nerd.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. Am is a verb, verbs are our friends.
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [driving off] Would you relax, Steve? Clarence has under control. Besides it's just a joy ride what could go wrong?
- [Eddie, Clarence and Steve are arrested by the police for theft.]
- Clarence: [walking into the Winslow house] Well if it ain't the Partridge family. What's for dinner, milk and cookies?
- Rachel Crawford: So, Clarence, how was your flight-ski bright-ski?
- Clarence: Stupid.
- Harriette Winslow: Excuse me?
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Stupid means good.
- Laura Lee Winslow: How's the weather back in Detroit?
- Clarence: Ill.
- Harriette Winslow: What's the matter, not feeling well?
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Ill means lousy. You need to get out more.
- Laura Lee Winslow: What're you guys going to see at the dinner theater?
- Harriette Winslow: Bye Bye Birdie.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Or in my case, Hello Rubber Chicken.
- Clarence: Yo, you a serious little nerd.
- Steve Urkel: No, I AM a serious little nerd. You see, I use verbs. Verbs are our friends. They help move along our sentences.
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yo Easy, you'll be crashing in my room.
- Clarence: A-B-C ya!
- Rachel Crawford: X-Y-Z ya!
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Clarence, is young. Let's try to be patient.
- Rachel Crawford: Yeah. Word-ski, Bro-ski in-law. Don't ill, take a chill pill.
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [Everyone looks at Mother Winslow] I have no idea what she's talking about.
- Clarence: Get it for tomorrow night, we'll cruise for hotties.
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hotties? Hotties in a hoopty?
- [sings]
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Five golden rings! Four calling birds, three French hen, two turtle doves, and a *hottie in a hoopty*.