Family Guy (TV Series)
Road to Europe (2002)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Rashad, The Pope, Dennis De Young, Dentist, Tree, Arab #2, Arab Dad, German Tourist
Photos
Quotes
-
[Brian and Stewie are on a German tour bus]
German Tour Guide : You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian Griffin : Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
German Tour Guide : Everyone vas on vacation. On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15...
Brian Griffin : Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and...
German Tour Guide : We were invited. Punch vas served. Check vit Poland.
Brian Griffin : You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
German Tour Guide : Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian Griffin : A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous.
German Tour Guide : I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people. Nothing bad happened. Sie werden sich hinsetzen. Sie werden ruhig sein. Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland!
[You will sit down. You will be calm. You will not insult Germany!]
German Tour Guide : [throws his hand up in a Hitler salute]
Brian Griffin : ...uh, is that a beer hall?
German Tour Guide : Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.
-
Peter Griffin : No one wants to be Peter Criss, Lois. Not even Peter Criss!
-
Brian Griffin : Want to go get an ice cream? Will that make you feel better?
[Stewie shakes his head]
Brian Griffin : Want to get some McDonald's?
[Stewie shakes his head]
Brian Griffin : Want to go take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes?
[Stewie nods]
Brian Griffin : All right, let's take a dump in Mother Maggie's shoes.
-
[Stewie has run away and Brian discovers this note]
Stewie Griffin : Dear Stupid Dog, I've gone to live with the children on "Jolly Farm". Goodbye forever. Stewie. P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm... I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm... It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll... Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm... Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever. P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.
Brian Griffin : Oh My God!
-
Stewie Griffin : I say, is that Tom Bosley?
Brian Griffin : What would Tom Bosley be doing on a train to Switzerland?
Stewie Griffin : I don't know.
[shouts]
Stewie Griffin : Tom!
[quickly hides his head down beneath his newspaper, he then looks up]
Stewie Griffin : Well, did he look?
Brian Griffin : I don't know.
Stewie Griffin : Well you were supposed to look.
[shouts]
Stewie Griffin : Tom Bosley!
[looks down]
Brian Griffin : No, it's not him.
-
Stewie Griffin : [in an Amsterdam hash bar] The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.
-
Stewie Griffin : Hey... shut up!
-
Brian Griffin : All right, if you're serious about this, I'll go with you. But I better ask Peter and Lois if it okay first.
Stewie Griffin : Oh, they won't even know we're gone!
[Stewie takes out a remote and presses the button. Cut to the inside. Robotic Stewie and Brian emerge from the closet]
Stewie Griffin : Damn you, vile woman! Blast! What the deuce!
Brian Griffin : I am a tool! Stewie is better than me at everything including arts and crafts and the guitar. I have no friends.
-
Peter Griffin : What I said before... I've never been more wrong in my life. You are the coolest girl in the world. My wife did KISS!
Lois Griffin : [quietly] And J. Geils.
Peter Griffin : What?
Lois Griffin : Nothing.
-
Stewie Griffin : [singing] You and I are so awfully different, too awfully different, to ever be pals.
Stewie Griffin : Do you wanna go first?
Brian Griffin : Yeah, I'll go. Your favorite hero is the Marquis De Sade.
Stewie Griffin : Oh, you're one to talk. You got a stiffy from Phylicia Rashad.
Brian Griffin : [holding a metal plate in front of him] Oh, one time.
[ding]
Stewie Griffin : I have a style, flair. Just look at my hip hair.
Brian Griffin : Oh yeah, that's quite a nice 'do there.
Stewie Griffin : Oh, thanks.
Brian Griffin : [as Triumph] For me to poop on!
Stewie Griffin : What?
Brian Griffin : [normal voice] Oh, come on. You look like Charlie Brown.
Stewie Griffin : Oh, bite me, Snoopy.
Stewie Griffin : There's not a whole lot that we got to agree on...
Brian Griffin : 'Cause I love the strains of a classical score...
Stewie Griffin : And I like that singer who looks like a whore...
Brian Griffin : Ricky Martin?
Stewie Griffin : Love him.
-
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : [singing continued] We're too different to ever be pals... You and I are so awfully different, too awfully different, to ever be pals.
Brian Griffin : Your head's as massive as a meteorite.
Stewie Griffin : Oh, very funny... You have a weenie like a Christmas tree light.
Brian Griffin : I bet money, you'll marry a honey, who's pretty and funny, and her name will be Ted.
Stewie Griffin : Oh, a gay joke.
Brian Griffin : I just work with what you give me.
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : You might think we're 'N Sync but we stink, as a duo.
Brian Griffin : 'Cause you get a kick out of carnage and guts.
Stewie Griffin : And you get a kick out of stroking your...
Brian Griffin : Whoa whoa whoa, you can't say that on TV!
Stewie Griffin : What, ego?
Brian Griffin : Never mind.
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : We're too different to ever be pals!
