- Picard: Number One, if i whispered in your ear that Commander Worf's head looks like a fanny, would you share with me a laugh.
- Riker: Yeah sure I could get in on that.
- Picard: All right, here it comes.
- [shouts]
- Picard: COMMANDER WORF'S HEAD LOOKS LIKE A FANNY!
- [Everyone Laughs]
- Worf: You can all suck my ridges!
- Picard: Oh get a sense of Humour, Rocky Dennis.
- Peter Griffin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait, wait! You and your girlfriend are taking the name James Woods off the high school?
- Brian Griffin: Well, yes, for Martin Luther King.
- Peter Griffin: That's crazy. You're gonna name the school after the star of Space 1999?
- Brian Griffin: No, that's Martin Landau.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, the guy who played Sheneneh?
- Brian Griffin: That's Martin Lawrence.
- Peter Griffin: The drunk crooner?
- Brian Griffin: That's Dean Martin.
- Peter Griffin: The drink that's best served on the rocks?
- Brian Griffin: Martini and Rossi.
- Peter Griffin: The guy on West Wing?
- Brian Griffin: Martin Sheen.
- Peter Griffin: The guy from Platoon?
- Brian Griffin: Charlie Sheen.
- Peter Griffin: No, the other guy from Platoon.
- Brian Griffin: Uh...
- Peter Griffin: C'mon...
- Brian Griffin: Willem Dafoe?
- Peter Griffin: [holds up card] Ooh, sorry. We were looking for Berenger, Tom Berenger. Thanks for playing, Brian, sorry it didn't work out for ya.
- Adam West: Want some corn?
- Brian Griffin: Sure.
- [Brian reaches into the bag, but withdraws when his paw becomes sticky with a viscous substance]
- Brian Griffin: What kind of corn is this?
- Adam West: Creamed corn, I brought it from home. I don't like the corn they have here, it's too crunchy.
- Drunk Chick: I just smoked the wrong side of a cigarette! Who wants to go swimming! Oh, this song is about me!
- [collapses onto the hi-fi stereo]
- Peter Griffin: [sat in the audience of a Miss USA Pageant, trying to pick up contestants as they walk on stage; first girl approaches] Hey! How's it going? I'm Peter. You wanna go out sometime? Maybe you got a Saturday night free?
- [first girl walks away]
- Peter Griffin: Yeah, you know what? To hell with you, then. Yeah, go to hell. Go to hell.
- [second girl approaches]
- Peter Griffin: Hey! I'm Peter. What do you say you and me go get a couple of beers? Maybe we could - -
- [second girl walks away]
- Peter Griffin: Oh, fine! You know what? You got mosquito-bite boobs anyway. I... I don't care. I don't care, I don't need you.
- [third girl approaches]
- Peter Griffin: Hey! How are you? I'm Peter. I got a coupon for Sizzler with your name on it. You know? Maybe the two of us can - -
- [third girl walks away]
- Peter Griffin: Ah, you know what? I don't care, you're a bitch.
- Peter Griffin: [looking at the wrong news article] 200 die in train derailment. Oh god, Lois! That is morbidly obese!
- Peter Griffin: James, do we really have to watch "Videodrome"?
- James Woods: Yeah, I think you're really going to appreciate all the subtle nuances of my performance. See, even though that guy is talking, your eye is drawn to me.
- Peter Griffin: [unimpressed] Yeah, is there going to be any nudity?
- James Woods: Yes, I get naked.
- Peter Griffin: So, Brian, you ready to go play some darts at the Clam?
- Brian Griffin: Oh, sorry, Peter, I can't make it tonight. I have a date.
- [in surprise, Peter spits out his milk all over Meg]
- Meg Griffin: Dad!
- Peter Griffin: But you were supposed to drive tonight! What am I supposed to do? If I drive, I'll have to have a bunch of drinks first, because I am very self-conscious about my driving.
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, you've got a date. What's his name? HA! Do you see? Do you see that? Do you see what I did? I made it seem as though you were a homosexual. That's funny to me.
- Lois Griffin: How exciting, Brian! So, who's the lucky lady?
- Brian Griffin: Well, um, actually her name is Shauna Parks.
- Lois Griffin: Meg's teacher?
- [Peter spits out his milk a second time, again all over Meg]
- Peter Griffin: Me? Go to a PTA meeting? What, are you high?
- Lois Griffin: Nah, not anymore, I crashed hours ago. By the way, we are out of chips, cookies, and funnybones.
- Brian Griffin: Hey Peter. Where's James Woods?
- Peter Griffin: Eh, it turns out he wasn't very good at catching stuff with his mouth. Where's your girlfriend?
- Brian Griffin: Eh, same problem.
- Brian Griffin, Peter Griffin: Whoa!
- Brian Griffin: I'm not ok with slavery. Just so we're clear. I mean, if I was offered a slave, I'd say no.