Peter Griffin: What are you talking about? I'm a great driver.
Brian Griffin: Ha, remember your trip to the southwest?
Peter Griffin: [a scene similar to the roadrunner cartoons appears as well as the roadrunner. When it stops, a car comes and hits it. Peter is driving the car] Oh, God, did I just hit that ostrich?
Wile E. Coyote: [Wile. E. Coyote from the cartoon is in the passenger seat] No.
Peter Griffin: Are you sure?
Wile E. Coyote: Yeah, he's fine just keep going.
Lois Griffin: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane.
Stewie Griffin: Never! Damn the broccoli! Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers!
Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston.
[Tom and Diane stare in horror]
[the cable television transmitter was knocked out]
Tom Tucker: Diane, that last report was so good, you deserve a spanking.
Diane Simmons: Oh, Tom... I don't think your wife would like that.
Tom Tucker: My wife is a bitter old hag, she's in Quahog and cant hear a word we're saying.
Director: Uh, guys, we're back on in Quahog.
Chris Griffin: I never knew anyone who went crazy before, except for my imaginary friend Captain Sprock!
Lois Griffin: Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Come on, Lois, isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"?
Brian Griffin: Hey, barkeep. Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?
Peter Griffin: Huh, I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to?
[Scooby-Doo theme plays]
TV Announcer: We now return to The Scooby-Doo Murder Files.
Fred Jones: Gee whiz, gang. Looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines and then dumped the body in the river.
Velma: Jinkies! What a mystery!
Scooby-Doo: [jumps on Shaggy's arms] Arroo!
Fred Jones: You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!