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"Family Guy" Fat Guy Strangler (TV Episode 2005) Poster

(TV Series)

(2005)

Quotes

Lois Griffin: [the Doctor is examining Peter] So, Doctor, is Peter healthy?

Doctor: My Goodness! You'll be dead within a month.

Lois GriffinPeter Griffin: WHAT?

Doctor: [picks up a comic boook] Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up this lifestyle of pillaging and giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month.

[to Peter]

Doctor: Now, on to you.

Peter Griffin: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, hah?

Doctor: Well, Mr.Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results.

[picks up a chart]

Doctor: AH!

[drops it]

Lois GriffinPeter Griffin: AH!

Doctor: There's a spider in here.

[shakes the chart, the spider crawls out]

Doctor: Now, here we go. Mr.Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.

Lois GriffinPeter Griffin: AH!

Doctor: This is your driver's license, isn't? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die.

Lois GriffinPeter Griffin: AH!

Doctor: [picks up a video tape]

  • when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.


Lois Griffin: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is!

Doctor: Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim BAsinger? B-BAEsinger? B-BaesinGer? Basinger? Hm. But now, on to the cancer.

Lois Griffin: Oh my God!

Doctor: You are a cancer, right? You were born in July. Now on to these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.

Lois GriffinPeter Griffin: AH!

Doctor: My son got a D-minus on his history test. Now, Mr.Griffin, that liver's got to come out.

Lois GriffinPeter Griffin: WHAT?

Doctor: [takes a plate out of the microwave] It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now...

Lois Griffin: Please... Please... We can't take anymore shtick. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?

Doctor: Oh yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.

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[Peter is seen taking his physical alongside Lois]

Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month!

Peter GriffinLois Griffin: What?

[Doctor pulls out the comics]

Doctor: Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month.

[Looks at Peter]

Doctor: Now, onto you.

Peter Griffin: So, What do you think? I'm pretty healthy, huh?

Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results.

[Opens booklet and screams]

Doctor: [Peter and Lois gasp]

Doctor: There's a spider in here!

[Turns to them]

Doctor: Now, here we go.

Doctor: Mr. Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.

[Peter and Lois gasp]

Doctor: This is your driver's license, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...

[Peter and Lois gasp]

Doctor: ...When you watch these Dean Martin celebrity roasts!

Lois Griffin: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?

Doctor: Uh, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this...

[Peter and Lois boggle their eyes]

Doctor: ... Kim 'Baasenger', 'Baysenger', 'Basenjer', 'Bay-singer'? But now, on to the cancer...

[Peter and Lois gasp]

Doctor: You are a cancer, right? You were born in July? Now, on to these test results... My, they're much worse than I thought.

[Peter and Lois gasp]

Doctor: [Shows paper] My son got a D minus on his history test. Now, Griffin, that liver has got to come out.

[Peter and Lois gasp]

Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes now; it will get dry!

Lois Griffin: Please... Please, we can't take anymore schtick. Please just tell us: is Peter healthy?

Doctor: Oh yeah, he's fine. He's just really fat.

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Brian Griffin: Look!

[Pictures of dead fat guys on the wall]

Lois Griffin: That doesn't mean anything.

Brian Griffin: What about that dead fat guy under the bed?

Lois Griffin: Coincidence?

Brian Griffin: What about that other half-dead fat guy?

Half-Dead Fat Guy: Patrick did it.

Lois Griffin: It could be any Patrick.

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Peter Griffin: Did you just say I was fat?

Doctor: Well, uh, yeah. You... you are pretty fat.

Peter Griffin: Um, okay... this is news to me.

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[Peter prances into the living room wearing an outfit about ten sizes too small]

Peter Griffin: Lois, if I'm fat, then Stewie is, too, because we wear the same size onesie.

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Lois Griffin: Peter, don't forget, you have your physical today at 1:00.

Peter Griffin: For the hundreth time, Lois, I won't forget. Nag nag nag. Sometimes, I think I should have married that woman I met the night of my bachelor party.

[cut to Lois helping Peter out of the bar]

Lois Griffin: Peter, I can't believe your friends just left you here. Let's get you home.

Peter Griffin: Wow, strange lady, you're so sexy. I should marry you tomorrow instead of that pain in the ass Lois.

Lois Griffin: Peter, it's me.

Peter Griffin: You know what? Screw it! I am SO gonna cheat on Lois right now. I don't care if she finds out.

Lois Griffin: Peter...

Peter Griffin: You got a condom? Never mind, I got this Milky Way wrapper.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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