Ian Wolfe: Mr. Bigley

Quotes 

• Mr. Bigley : You girls pulling my leg? You know what happened here, the Halloween massacre!

  Natalie Green : What massacre?

  Mr. Bigley : Guess you don't know. Let me see now, yes, happened back in '05 when this place was the home of the four old maid Gruber sisters.

  Natalie Green : Old maid? That's a very sexist term, but go on.

  Mr. Bigley : One Halloween night, Gertrude the mean one got into a terrible argument with Heidi and Helga and Fritzi, oh you could hear the dummkopfs and schweinhunds for blocks. Suddenly, the voices stopped.

  Blair Warner : Why?

  Jo Polniaczek : That's where the massacre part comes in, dummkopf.

  Mr. Bigley : Yes, oh yes, the way I heard it, Old Gertie gut Heidi and Helga and Fritzi with a big butcher knife. Never heard in what order. So they took Grizzly Gertie away the next day, but people say she never really left, if you know what I mean.

• Mr. Bigley : Unexplained things started happening like Gertrude's bedroom, the one in the back, got much colder than the rest of the house.

  Tootie Ramsey : Hey that's Mrs. Garrett's bedroom. Remember she complained how cold it was last night?

  Jo Polniaczek : Oh big deal, her bedroom faces north, a cold room is not that strange.

  Mr. Bigley : That's true, that's true, until the people who live in that bedroom star to lose their minds. The way I heard it, there's been five over the years, all women, all crazy.