Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Series)

The Ball (1996)

Ray Romano: Ray Barone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Robert Barone : [Robert enters the house dressed as Santa Clause]  Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Is Ally here? I understand there are doubts about me in this house.

  Ray Barone : There are now. Come on, Robert.

  Robert Barone : No, no. You have me mistaken for some other party. For I am the jolly old St. Nick. Ho, ho, ho! Mom told me what you did. Nice.

  Debra Barone : Hey, Ally look. It's Santa Clause!

  Ray Barone : Oh, God.

  Ally Barone : Santa?

  Robert Barone : Yes! It is really I! And I came to see *you*, Ally because I heard you were a very good girl this year and you're going to get everything you want. Ho, ho, ho!

  [He turns towards Ray] 

  Robert Barone : Unlike some other people. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

  Ray Barone : Yeah, hold the ho's. I wanna talk to you for a minute Santa.

  Robert Barone : I'm sorry! I'm with a client. And you may call me Mr. Clause. Ho, ho, ho, ho!

  [Frank runs in also dressed as Santa] 

  Frank Barone : Where's Ally? Ho, ho.

  [He sees Robert] 

  Frank Barone : Holy crap! What are you doing here?

  Robert Barone : I'm Santa Clause.

  Frank Barone : You're Santa?

  Ray Barone : Alright, alright. Will you guys cut it out? Come on. She's confused enough already.

  Frank Barone : What's there to be confused about? I'm the *real* Santa Clause! Who is *this* imposter?

  Debra Barone : Well, you couldn't both be Santa. You must be... Santa's helpers.

  Frank Barone : Right! He's my helper.

  [to Robert] 

  Frank Barone : Hey, helper! Why don't you go warm up the reindeer and bring the sled around?

• Ray Barone : We were cleaning things out this morning and look what I found. Remember this?

  [He hands Frank the Mickey Mantle ball] 

  Frank Barone : Hey, look at that! God, I remember when I brought this home for you. What were you, like, ten? You ran all around the neighborhood showing it to the other kids, right?

  Ray Barone : Yeah. So Mickey Mantle really signed it.

  Frank Barone : Who told you that?

  Ray Barone : You. You did!

  Frank Barone : Oh.

  Ray Barone : Wel- wha- what, Mickey Mantle didn't sign this ball? This isn't real?

  Frank Barone : It's a real *ball*.

• [Ray has just learned that his Mickey Mantle autographed baseball may be a fake] 

  Debra Barone : You okay, Ray?

  Ray Barone : What if they're right? What if he didn't sign this?

  Debra Barone : Come on, Ray. I don't remember you ever looking at that ball. It's been buried in the closet since we moved here.

  Ray Barone : No, not buried. Tucked away. You don't- you don't get it. Mickey Mantle signed this to me. To Ray. Ray. Then he wishes me luck. *Good* luck. Then he signs it. Mickey Mantle. Look at that. Look how the y in the Ray is the same as the y in Mickey. You know, for one moment the greatest player that I ever saw was thinking about me. I know it sounds stupid but this guy. This guy's the reason that I'm a sportswriter. This guy, this guy's Mickey Mantle.

  Debra Barone : Gee, that's beautiful Ray. It's very passionate. You remember what you said to me when you proposed? "So, how 'bout it?"

  [She rolls her eyes and walks away] 

• Debra Barone : Ray, come on. Are you still thinking about that baseball?

  Ray Barone : No. No, I'm thinking about a lot of things now.

  Debra Barone : Like what?

  Ray Barone : Remember that guy that you went out with before me? Eric... Butterpants?

  Debra Barone : Eric Butterman, Ray.

  Ray Barone : Oh, so you *do* remember him!

  Debra Barone : Yeah. What about him?

  Ray Barone : You always said to me that you were glad that he broke up with you otherwise you would've never met me.

  Debra Barone : Yeah, so?

  Ray Barone : So. So, if he had never broken up with you, would you have been gladder?

  Debra Barone : You're really crazy. You know that?

  Ray Barone : No. No, no, no, no. How do I know? How do I know that I'm the one you want to end up with.

  Debra Barone : Here's a hint, Ray. Our three kids!

  Ray Barone : Yeah. Yeah. Our three blonde kids.

• Robert Barone : [Robert and Frank are both dressed as Santa and are trying to convince Ally that the other one is an imposter]  I bet you can't even name the reindeer.

  Frank Barone : Oh! Uh, Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen. Uh, those are the main ones. We rotate 'em so they wear evenly. Uh, Cupid. Ajax. And Lefty!

  Robert Barone : Aha! Now we know the truth! Ho, ho, ho!

  [Ally pulls down his beard] 

  Ally Barone : It's Uncle Robert.

  Robert Barone : No, no, little one. I have only assumed the body of a life-form that... you would accept.

  Ray Barone : Robert, you're Santa. Not a Klingon.

• Ray Barone : Here, Ma. Debra says thanks for the clothes.

  Frank Barone : What clothes?

  Marie Barone : Oh, it's your junk. Like that ratty moth-eaten gray sweater.

  Frank Barone : Moth-eaten? Marie, I love that sweater. And I don't wanna see any wild-eyed weirdo marching around in *my* clothes.

  Marie Barone : Welcome to my world, Frank.