Frank Barone: [fixing the stairs] Stupid, humped-up termite trap!
[the stairwell collapses]
Frank Barone: AAH!
Marie Barone: Oh my God! Frank! Are you all right?
Frank Barone: ...Holy crap!
Marie Barone: Don't move! I'm coming right down!
Frank Barone: I'm in enough pain!
Marie Barone: I told him not to work on those stairs. I KNEW something like this would happen! I can't bare to see him hurt.
Marie Barone: Why are you such a stubborn Jackass?
Frank Barone: Doctor, could I have THIS removed?
[points to Marie]
Marie Barone: Doctor, before you go, is there such a thing as a "Personality Transplant"?
Debra Barone: We can never have sex again!
Ray Barone: Whoa, WHAT?
Debra Barone: Look at your father lying in there hurt. And now, everytime we - I'm gonna think of HIM. Working on those stairs and all of a sudden his Little Bald Head dropping out of sight.
Ray Barone: Well, here's something you might try. Think of ME when we're having sex.
Debra Barone: We did this to him, Ray. We lied to him and now he has a broken rib. WE broke his rib. We might as well have rolled off that bed and ON TO HIM!
Ray Barone: HEY! You to put images my head? Because we MAY never have sex again.
[Nurse walks by and hears him. Ray says to nurse]
Ray Barone: Hey. Hi.
Ray Barone: Look, this was not our fault.
Debra Barone: Yes it is! This is 30% my fault and 70% YOURS!
Ray Barone: Whoa, whoa! Where do you come up with those figures?
Debra Barone: Because you STARTED it! None of this would've happened if you didn't have to tell your friends what a be STUDD you are!
Ray Barone: Oh, why couldn't the nurse hear THAT?
Debra Barone: So, how's the rib, Frank?
Frank Barone: Okay, but I still can't burp the way I used to.
Ray Barone: Just stick to your rehab, dad.
Frank Barone: Boy am I glad to be out of that hospital. They had me so drugged up I didn't know whether I was coming or going.
Marie Barone: I thought what they had you on was marvelous. I'm going to call Mexico to try and get some for the house.