- Frank Barone: Nice? I tried it once. Didn't care for it.
- Marie Barone: Did the same thing happen with SMART?
- Frank Barone: You're playing with fire here. You got to let steam off on each other. Because if you let off on a stranger, he gets mad. He punches you. You punch him. He pulls a knife. You pull a gun. Guys jump in. Wars start. It's a mess! The spouse is the perfect escape valve.
- Marie Barone: He read that at our wedding.
- Debra Barone: [on the phone] Yeah, well, of course she has time to work out. She's only got one kid.
- Ray Barone: Deb, where's the paper?
- Debra Barone: Yeah, oh, well, give her a pair of twins and then let's see her body.
- Ray Barone: Debra, where's the paper?
- Debra Barone: [to Ray] I don't know.
- [back to the phone]
- Debra Barone: Yeah, yeah. Put her in a bikini! There you go.
- Ray Barone: You brought the paper in. Where'd you put it?
- Debra Barone: [to Ray] Honey, I'm on the phone.
- [to the phone]
- Debra Barone: You know what? I saw a bathing suit that would be perfect for you.
- Ray Barone: Could you just point to the paper?
- Debra Barone: Would you stop? I'm on the phone.
- Ray Barone: In the amount of time it took you to say that, you can tell me where the paper is.
- Debra Barone: Yeah, it's just my husband.
- Ray Barone: Well, who's that?
- Debra Barone: It's Jason's mom from school, okay?
- Ray Barone: You don't even know her name. Tell me her name.
- [Debra shushes him]
- Debra Barone: Yeah, I have the catalog here somewhere.
- Ray Barone: Oh, so you're looking for something for somebody you don't even know. Where's my paper?
- Debra Barone: Yeah. Here. I've got the catalog. You know what? I'll give it to you when I see you at the book fair. Okay? Okay. Bye-bye.
- [She hangs up and turns to Ray]
- Debra Barone: God! You are impossible! I can't talk on the phone for two minutes without you interrupting me.
- Ray Barone: Where's the paper?
- Ray Barone: Oh, hey, Justin, your mother's gonna be right back, okay?
- Debra Barone: Where is she?
- Ray Barone: She's over there. I'm keeping an eye on Justin for her.
- Debra Barone: You're watching additional children?
- Elise: [Walking up] Here we go. Oh, hey, Debra.
- Debra Barone: Hi.
- Elise: I got everybody popsicles.
- Ray Barone: Oh, great. one, two, three, four, five. Five popsicles.
- Elise: Thanks for watching Justin, Ray.
- Ray Barone: Pleasure, Elise.
- Elise: You better hang on to him, Debra. Come on, Justin!
- [She leaves]
- Ray Barone: See you later, Justin!
- [to Debra]
- Ray Barone: Well, you know, this is silly. We don't both need to be here. Maybe one of us should - I don't know - Go home and watch the ball game.
- Debra Barone: I don't think you wanna go yet. You're gonna miss the awards ceremony.
- Ray Barone: Huh?
- Debra Barone: Yeah. And the winner for best performance as a husband goes to
- [She pantomimes opening an envelope and then gasps as she pretends to read it]
- Debra Barone: Ray Barone for "Mr. Fantastic Visits A Park"! Yay!
- Ray Barone: Oh, I have nothing prepared.
- Frank Barone: [Frank pushes a large box of books into Ray's arms] You want books? They're all yours!
- Robert Barone: Nothing Dad likes better than getting rid of knowledge.
- Ray Barone: Oh, I love turkey.
- Debra Barone: Yeah. You want some chips?
- Ray Barone: No. Just your sandwich. Yes!
- [He takes a bite]
- Debra Barone: How is it?
- Ray Barone: It's great. Do we have chips?
- Debra Barone: Yeah sure.
- Ray Barone: Huh.
- Debra Barone: Why? What's the matter?
- Ray Barone: No, nothing, There something new in here? Something new?
- Debra Barone: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I made my own dressing yesterday.
- Ray Barone: Hmm!
- Debra Barone: You like it?
- Ray Barone: I - you know, I think it's marvelous that you're trying the new dressings, yeah.
- Debra Barone: Wait a minute. What is that?
- Ray Barone: What? Nice.
- Debra Barone: No, no, no. That's not nice. That's, like, fake nice. That's your mom.
- Ray Barone: All right, all right, now, *that's* not nice right there.