- Radford: I forgot to pay my income tax. For twelve years. Mea culpa, already! It slipped my mind.
- Simon Holmes: It's an honest mistake. I'm sure they'd understand.
- Radford: Understand? The IRS? They are ruthless, heartless bureaucrats with one goal in life: making me pay. Why, the average IRS agent would make the Devil Himself seem like Mr Rogers.
- Marshall Teller: [Marshall sees that the World o' Stuff Midnight Madness Sale is out of control] You gotta stop this. They don't even know what they're buying.
- The Donald: Hey, it's the American way.
- Marshall Teller: Listen... nobody turns my family into zombies and gets away with it.
- The Donald: They're not zombies, they're consumers.
- Dash X: Yeah, besides, how can you tell the difference?
- IRS Man: [introducing himself to Radford] Internal Revenue Service.
- Radford: [looking like he's about to pass out] I - I - I - I - I R S?
- IRS Man: [laughing gently] We have an audit to go to. Um, it seems you haven't filed a return since 1979.
- Radford: Do I have a choice here? Couldn't I just go straight to Hell instead?
- IRS Man: Sorry, Mr. Radford, but your trip will have to wait. I'll be needing all your store receipts.
- Dash X: But he doesn't have them.
- [slowly turns to the Donald and points at him]
- Dash X: HE does
- The Donald: [nervously] But... but these are mine! These... these are MY contracts!
- IRS Man: [sternly goes to his face and holds a card] Maybe you didn't hear me. Internal Revenue Service?
- The Donald: [goes afraid and stammers uncontrollably] Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...
- [Dash X takes the briefcase away from the Donald and tosses it to Radford, who tosses it to Simon]
- Simon Holmes: [gives the briefcase to the IRS man] Here you go, sir. I'd like you to know that Mr. Radford was cooperating fully in this matter.
- IRS Man: Thank you.
- The Donald: [stammering turns to crying] NO! NO! NO! NO!
- [the Donald gets sucked down to the fiery underground as the IRS man smiles triumphantly]
- Dash X: [angrily after finding out the Donald is using him] Nobody, but nobody messes with MY PIECE OF PIE!
- IRS Man: [after the Donald was finished] We've all got sides to our personality...
- [takes off his face revealing to be Marshall]
- Marshall Teller: [still in the IRS man's voice] ... we usually never get to see.
- Simon Holmes: Marshall?
- Dash X: Wow! Just like on TV!
- Marshall Teller: [narrating, about the Donald's defeat] The Donald wasn't a good loser. There are only two things that are certain to this world according to Benjamin Franklin: death and taxes. 200 years later in Eerie, old Ben had no idea how right he was.