- Ed Stevens: If you're not born with broad shoulders and a strong jaw, there's only one way to get the girl... you make an complete ass of yourself.
- Ed Stevens: I bought a bowling alley because it just so happens that I love the game... when played correctly, it's actually quite beautiful.
- Ed Stevens: Sometimes two people can fall so completely in love and yet be so completely wrong for one another. It's fate's nasty side, I guess.
- Kenny Sandusky: If there were two bowling alleys, exactly alike, but one of them had wall-to-wall whores, I'd definitely patronize the one with the whores.
- Molly Hudson: Well, because you kissed the guy and he bought a bowling alley.
- Carol Vessey: Oh Molly please... It did not happen that way at all and you know it.
- Molly Hudson: Well... You're lucky you didn't sleep with him. He would've bought a strip mall.