- Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: I've already found someone whose willing to kick back 50% of his pay!
- Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Who? Who could be that stupid?
- Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: My third cousin, twice removed, Cletus Hogg!
- Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Uh, Cletus, C-Cletus Hogg?
- Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: Yeah, Cousin Cletus Hogg!
- Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane: Oh, he is stupid! I mean, I mean even the dipsticks call him a dipstick!
- Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: Well then he'll fit in perfect with you, won't he?
- Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: If you're patrolling the street as a deputy sheriff, and you see an out-of-state car parked on the street, what do you do?
- Deputy Cletus Hogg: Uh, walk right up to them nice folks and say,
- [in exaggerated way:]
- Deputy Cletus Hogg: "Hi, welcome to Hazzard County."
- Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: Wrong. You pick this up
- [old fire hydrant that just happens to be standing in his office]
- Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg: and you put it on the curb next to the car, and then you write 'em up a parking ticket.
- Deputy Cletus Hogg: I never knew there was so much to being a deputy.
- Uncle Jesse: [re their pursuer] That fellow must've won his driver's license in a... in a turkey shoot!
- Daisy Duke: No way, Uncle Jesse, he knew exactly what he was doing
- [on CB radio:]
- Daisy Duke: Bo? Luke? Will you come in before I start crying out loud?
- Bo Duke: We got you, Daisy.
- Daisy Duke: Some jasper in a big sedan just tried to run me off the road just half a mile past Eagle Rock.
- Bo Duke: Well, that means you can't be more than about a minute or so ahead of us.
- Daisy Duke: Hey, you just make that half a minute, because it looks like he's gonna try it again.
- Uncle Jesse: Daisy, you watch the road. I'll watch them.
- Daisy Duke: Okay.
- Uncle Jesse: [as the black sedan comes rushing up] Here they come again!
- The Balladeer: [as Daisy stands poised to defend herself against the crooks] Now, tanglin' with sweet Daisy is a lot like tryin' to put socks on a rooster.
- Daisy Duke: Well, this sure hasn't been our day, has it? First some dumb cluck tries to ram us off the road, then Lord-knows-who tried to steal our pickup.
- Daisy Duke: [to the crook boss] You've got as much chance of catching up with them as I have of sprouting horns, honey.