Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)

Real Estate (1995)

Barry Sobel: Barry

Quotes 

• Barry : I lost my luggage at Kennedy Airport, the most unsympathetic place in the world. You go to the person behind the counter whose job it is to help you, I say, y'know, "I lost my luggage", typical New York style, person goes: "Yeah? That's all I need now: You and your bags. What, do you want me to pick up the airport and shake it 'til your bags fling out? Who am I, Kresgin? What am I, Uri Geller? Shirley McLaine in the head? What am I, the magician, uh, David Copperballs?"

  Dr. Katz : What?

  Barry : "What is this, the Psychic Bags Balls Network? Did you know your bags went to San Jose?"

  Dr. Katz : Barry...

  Barry : Hey hey, excuse me, nah, excuse me, I think you're a little outta line. "Hey, here's something: You know what your bags look like, and YOU can't find 'em. I don't know what they look like."

• Barry : You know, your friends in California, they're, "like", your friends. They kinda look like people, there's a telephone involved, they have an automobile, but they're not, "like", your friends back in New York, or Boston, or Seattle, or Atlanta, or Texas. As a matter of fact, your friends in L.A. don't show up when they invite YOU somewhere. How do they make THAT work?

  Dr. Katz : Mmm.

  Barry : In New York City, if you say to your friend, "I'll meet you at the movie theater at ten o'clock", it's not a suggestion of what COULD happen in the world that day. It's an actuality, it's like magic, boing, you and your friend just appear at the movie theater at ten o'clock. Because on the east coast of our country, if you're not there, you know, you're accountable. People are really upset. They're all like, "Barry, what the

  [bleep] 

  Barry : is going on? I'm standin' outside the theater for two

  [bleep] 

  Barry : -ing hours, and I'm

  [bleep] 

  Barry : -in' my head, and I'm thinkin', what, did you die? Do I go in? Do I go out? Do I buy a ticket? Do I give it to the usher? Do I look for you in the back, do I look for you comin' out of the subway, do I beep you, do I call your voicemail, your other eight numbers like you're some sort of doctor, drug dealer, what the hell's going on?

  Dr. Katz : You okay?

  Barry : And on the east coast of our country, you give what's called "a reason", you make up what's called "an explanation", and then you move on with your life, so it's no big deal.

  Dr. Katz : You know, I don't like to bleep my patients, Barry.