The Doctor: Hanging from a rope, thousands of feet above London, not a cut, not a bruise.
Rose Tyler: Yeah, I know. Captain Jack fixed me up.
The Doctor: Oh, we're calling him Captain Jack now, are we?
Rose Tyler: Well, his name's Jack and he's a captain.
The Doctor: He's not really a captain, Rose.
Rose Tyler: Do you know what I think? I think you're experiencing 'Captain Envy'. You'll find your feet at the end of your legs. You may care to move them.
The Doctor: If ever he was a captain, he's been defrocked.
Rose Tyler: Yeah? Shame I missed that!
[the Doctor and Rose have been teleported to Jack's ship]
Captain Jack Harkness: Actually, I quit. Nobody takes my frock! Most people notice when they've been teleported. You guys are so sweet!
Rose Tyler: Actually, Doctor, I thought Jack might like this dance.
The Doctor: I'm sure he would, Rose, I'm absolutely certain. But who with?
[she laughs, and steps forward to dance with the Doctor]
The Doctor: Everybody lives, Rose! Just this once, everybody lives!
Captain Jack Harkness: The last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four hyper-vodkas for my breakfast. All a bit of a blur after that... I woke up in bed with both of my executioners. Lovely couple, they stayed in touch! Can't say that about most executioners.
Rose Tyler: Look at you, beaming away like you're Father Christmas!
The Doctor: Who says I'm not, red-bicycle-when-you-were-twelve?
Rose Tyler: What?
Captain Jack: [when he realizes his Sonic Blaster's stopped working] Damn it! It's the special features, they really drain the battery.
Rose Tyler: The battery?
[both run through the door the Doctor just opened; after she stops]
Rose Tyler: It's so lame.
Captain Jack: I was going to send for another one but *somebody's*
[looking at the Doctor]
Captain Jack: got to blow up the factory.
Rose Tyler: Oh, I know. First day I met him, he blew my job up. That's practically how he communicates.
The Doctor: [finishes locking the door with his Sonic screwdriver] Ok, that door should hold it for a bit.
Captain Jack Harkness: The Door. The wall didn't stop it!
The Doctor: Well it's got to find us first! Come on, we're not done yet! Assets, assets!
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, I've got a banana and, in a pinch, you could put up some shelves.
The Doctor: Window?
Captain Jack Harkness: Barred. Sheer drop outside. Seven storeys.
Captain Jack Harkness: [sits in a wheel chair]
Rose Tyler: And no other exits.
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, the assets conversation went in a flash, didn't it?
Rose Tyler: Okay, so he's vanished into thin air. Why is it always the *great* looking ones who do that?
The Doctor: I'm making an effort not to be insulted.
Rose Tyler: I mean... men.
The Doctor: Okay, thanks, that really helps!
Mask Creatures: [with increasing intensity] Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy.
The Doctor: Go to your room.
[mask creatures stop]
The Doctor: Go to your room! I mean it. I am very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross. Go... To... Your... Room!
[mask creatures turn and go back to their beds]
The Doctor: [sighing] I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.
The Doctor: Funny little human brains... How do you get around in those things?
Rose Tyler: When he's stressed, he likes to insult species.
The Doctor: Rose, I'm thinking.
Rose Tyler: Cuts himself shaving, does half an hour on life forms he's cleverer than.
The Doctor: Everybody lives, Rose. Just this once, everybody lives!
The Doctor: I've travelled with a lot of people, but you're setting new records for jeopardy friendly.
Captain Jack Harkness: [refering to the banana that he tosses back to the Doctor] Nice switch.
The Doctor: [catches banana; holds it up as he speaks] It's from the groves of Villengard, thought it was appropriate.
Captain Jack Harkness: There's really a banana grove in the heart of Villengard? And you did that?
The Doctor: [semi-shrug; waving the banana proudly] Bananas are good.
Captain Jack Harkness: Okay, this can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and a triple-fold sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?
The Doctor: I've got a sonic, er, never mind.
Captain Jack Harkness: What?
The Doctor: It's sonic, okay, let's leave it at that.
Captain Jack Harkness: Disruptor? Cannon? What?
The Doctor: It's sonic, totally sonic. I am sonicked *up*!
Captain Jack Harkness: [yelling] A sonic *what*?
The Doctor: [yelling] *Screwdriver*!
[the boy and other gasmask creatures come towards them]
Rose Tyler: [grabs Jack's Sonic Blaster and points it at the ground] Going down!
[floor vanishes beneath them and they land in the room below]
Captain Jack Harkness: [stands after ceiling is repaired] Who has a sonic screwdriver?
The Doctor: I do!
Rose Tyler: [ignores them] Lights.
[starts to move around the room, looking for a switch]
Captain Jack Harkness: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, "Ooh, this could be a little more sonic"?
The Doctor: What, you've never been bored?
Rose Tyler: [still searching the room] There's got to be a light switch.
The Doctor: Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?
Mask Creatures: [Rose finds the lights; turns them on to find the room filled with gasmask creatures; all start chanting] Mummy? Mummy!
Captain Jack Harkness: Door.
[all three run towards it]
The Doctor: What's life. Life's easy. A quirk of matter. Nature's way of keeping meat fresh. Nothing to a nanogene.
Rose Tyler: Doesn't the universe implode or something if you dance?
The Doctor: Well, I've got the moves, but I wouldn't want to boast.
The Doctor: [identifying Jack's weapon] Sonic Blaster. Fifty-first century. Weapons factory at Villengard?
Captain Jack Harkness: You've been to the factories?
The Doctor: Once.
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, they're gone now, destroyed. Main reactor went critical, vaporized the lot.
The Doctor: Like I said. Once.
[looking over at Rose; matter-of-factly]
The Doctor: There's a banana grove there now.
[looks at Jack; smiling]
The Doctor: I like bananas. Bananas are good.
The Doctor: [Listening to a recording of the child] It's afraid. Terribly afraid, and powerful. It doesn't know it yet, but it will do.
The Doctor: [laughs softly] It's got the power of a god, and I just sent it to its room!
Rose Tyler: [Hearing a whirring, flapping sound] Doctor...
The Empty Child: I'm here; can't you see me?
Rose Tyler: What's that noise?
The Doctor: End of the tape. It ran out about 30 seconds ago.
The Empty Child: I'm here, now! Can't you see me?
The Doctor: [realizing] I sent it to its room. *This* is its room!
Captain Jack: Make yourself comfortable. Carry on with whatever it was you were... doing.
The Doctor: We were talking about dancing.
Captain Jack: It didn't look like talking.
Rose Tyler: It didn't feel like dancing.
The Doctor: [having secretly switched Jack's Sonic Blaster with a banana, he now uses it to create a hole in the wall for their escape] Go, now, don't drop the banana!
Captain Jack Harkness: Why not?
The Doctor: [as if vitally important] Good source of potassium!
The Doctor: There isn't a little boy born who wouldn't tear the world apart to save his mummy. And this little boy can.
Mrs. Harcourt: My leg's grown back! When I come to the hospital, I had one leg...
Doctor Constantine: Well, there is a war on... is it possible you miscounted?
Captain Jack: [about The TARDIS] Much bigger on the inside.
The Doctor: You'd better be.
Rose: I think what the Doctor's trying to say is - you may cut in.
Rose Tyler: Are the words 'distract the guard' heading in my general direction?
The Doctor: I don't think that's such a good idea.
Rose Tyler: Don't worry. I can handle it.
Captain Jack Harkness: I've gotten to know Algy quite well since I've been in town. Trust me, you're not his type. I'll distract him. Don't wait up.
The Doctor: Relax. He's a fifty-first century guy. He's just a bit more flexible when it comes to 'dancing'.
Rose Tyler: How flexible?
The Doctor: Well, by his time, you lot are spread out across half the galaxy.
Rose Tyler: Meaning?
The Doctor: So many species, so little time.
Rose Tyler: What, that's what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life and...
Rose Tyler: and...
The Doctor: [nodding] Dance.
[smiles at his clever pun]
The Doctor: [on Jack] So, where'd you pick this one up, then?
Captain Jack: She was hanging from a barrage balloon, I had an invisible spaceship.
Captain Jack: I never stood a chance.
[Rose slowly smiles, obviously flattered]
[when asked by Rose to dance]
The Doctor: Rose, I'm trying to resonate concrete...
The Doctor: [to Captain Jack] Close the door, will you? Your ship's about to blow up - there's gonna be a draft.
Captain Jack: [as he comes to 'distract' Algy] Hey, Tiger. How's it hanging?
Algy: [turns around, confused look on his face] Mummy?
Captain Jack: Algy, old sport, it's me.
Algy: [still looks confused, but trying to register Jack's words] Mummy?
Captain Jack: It's me, Jack.
[really trying to focus on him]
Algy: Are you my... mummy?
[suddenly starts coughing; drops to his knees, Jack watches in horror as Algy transforms into a gasmask creature]
The Doctor: Go to your room. I mean it, I'm very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross. Go to your room!
[the mask creatures leave]
The Doctor: I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.
Captain Jack Harkness: The perfect, self-cleaning con.
The Doctor: Yeah. Perfect.
Captain Jack Harkness: The London Blitz is nice for self-cleaners. Pompeii's nice if you want to make a vacation of it, though. But you've got to set your alarm for Volcano Day.