"Doctor Who" The Doctor Dances (TV Episode 2005) Poster

(TV Series)



The Doctor: Hanging from a rope, thousands of feet above London, not a cut, not a bruise.

Rose Tyler: Yeah, I know. Captain Jack fixed me up.

The Doctor: Oh, we're calling him Captain Jack now, are we?

Rose Tyler: Well, his name's Jack and he's a captain.

The Doctor: He's not really a captain, Rose.

Rose Tyler: Do you know what I think? I think you're experiencing 'Captain Envy'. You'll find your feet at the end of your legs. You may care to move them.

The Doctor: If ever he was a captain, he's been defrocked.

Rose Tyler: Yeah? Shame I missed that!

[the Doctor and Rose have been teleported to Jack's ship]

Captain Jack Harkness: Actually, I quit. Nobody takes my frock! Most people notice when they've been teleported. You guys are so sweet!

[last lines]

Rose Tyler: Actually, Doctor, I thought Jack might like this dance.

The Doctor: I'm sure he would, Rose, I'm absolutely certain. But who with?

[she laughs, and steps forward to dance with the Doctor]

The Doctor: Everybody lives, Rose! Just this once, everybody lives!

Rose Tyler: Look at you, beaming away like you're Father Christmas!

The Doctor: Who says I'm not, red-bicycle-when-you-were-twelve?

Rose Tyler: What?

Captain Jack: [when he realizes his Sonic Blaster's stopped working] Damn it! It's the special features, they really drain the battery.

Rose Tyler: The battery?

[both run through the door the Doctor just opened; after she stops]

Rose Tyler: It's so lame.

Captain Jack: I was going to send for another one but *somebody's*

[looking at the Doctor]

Captain Jack: got to blow up the factory.

Rose Tyler: Oh, I know. First day I met him, he blew my job up. That's practically how he communicates.

Captain Jack Harkness: The last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four hyper-vodkas for my breakfast. All a bit of a blur after that... I woke up in bed with both of my executioners. Lovely couple, they stayed in touch! Can't say that about most executioners.

Rose Tyler: Okay, so he's vanished into thin air. Why is it always the *great* looking ones who do that?

The Doctor: I'm making an effort not to be insulted.

Rose Tyler: I mean... men.

The Doctor: Okay, thanks, that really helps!

The Doctor: Who am I to argue with history?

Rose Tyler: Usually the first in line.

[first lines]

Mask Creatures: [with increasing intensity] Mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy.

The Doctor: Go to your room.

[mask creatures stop]

The Doctor: Go to your room! I mean it. I am very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross. Go... To... Your... Room!

[mask creatures turn and go back to their beds]

The Doctor: [sighing] I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.

The Doctor: [finishes locking the door with his Sonic screwdriver] Ok, that door should hold it for a bit.

Captain Jack Harkness: The Door. The wall didn't stop it!

The Doctor: Well it's got to find us first! Come on, we're not done yet! Assets, assets!

Captain Jack Harkness: Well, I've got a banana and, in a pinch, you could put up some shelves.

The Doctor: Window?

Captain Jack Harkness: Barred. Sheer drop outside. Seven storeys.

Captain Jack Harkness: [sits in a wheel chair]

Rose Tyler: And no other exits.

Captain Jack Harkness: Well, the assets conversation went in a flash, didn't it?

Captain Jack Harkness: [refering to the banana that he tosses back to the Doctor] Nice switch.

The Doctor: [catches banana; holds it up as he speaks] It's from the groves of Villengard, thought it was appropriate.

Captain Jack Harkness: There's really a banana grove in the heart of Villengard? And you did that?

The Doctor: [semi-shrug; waving the banana proudly] Bananas are good.

Captain Jack Harkness: Okay, this can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and a triple-fold sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?

The Doctor: I've got a sonic, er, never mind.

Captain Jack Harkness: What?

The Doctor: It's sonic, okay, let's leave it at that.

Captain Jack Harkness: Disruptor? Cannon? What?

The Doctor: It's sonic, totally sonic. I am sonicked *up*!

Captain Jack Harkness: [yelling] A sonic *what*?

The Doctor: [yelling] *Screwdriver*!

[the boy and other gasmask creatures come towards them]

Rose Tyler: [grabs Jack's Sonic Blaster and points it at the ground] Going down!

[floor vanishes beneath them and they land in the room below]

Captain Jack Harkness: [stands after ceiling is repaired] Who has a sonic screwdriver?

The Doctor: I do!

Rose Tyler: [ignores them] Lights.

[starts to move around the room, looking for a switch]

Captain Jack Harkness: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, "Ooh, this could be a little more sonic"?

The Doctor: What, you've never been bored?

Rose Tyler: [still searching the room] There's got to be a light switch.

The Doctor: Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?

Mask Creatures: [Rose finds the lights; turns them on to find the room filled with gasmask creatures; all start chanting] Mummy? Mummy!

Captain Jack Harkness: Door.

[all three run towards it]

Rose Tyler: Doesn't the universe implode or something if you dance?

The Doctor: Well, I've got the moves, but I wouldn't want to boast.

The Doctor: [identifying Jack's weapon] Sonic Blaster. Fifty-first century. Weapons factory at Villengard?

Captain Jack Harkness: You've been to the factories?

The Doctor: Once.

Captain Jack Harkness: Well, they're gone now, destroyed. Main reactor went critical, vaporized the lot.

The Doctor: Like I said. Once.

[looking over at Rose; matter-of-factly]

The Doctor: There's a banana grove there now.

[looks at Jack; smiling]

The Doctor: I like bananas. Bananas are good.

The Doctor: Funny little human brains... How do you get around in those things?

Rose Tyler: When he's stressed, he likes to insult species.

The Doctor: Rose, I'm thinking.

Rose Tyler: Cuts himself shaving, does half an hour on life forms he's cleverer than.

The Doctor: [Listening to a recording of the child] It's afraid. Terribly afraid, and powerful. It doesn't know it yet, but it will do.

The Doctor: [laughs softly] It's got the power of a god, and I just sent it to its room!

Rose Tyler: [Hearing a whirring, flapping sound] Doctor...

The Empty Child: I'm here; can't you see me?

Rose Tyler: What's that noise?

The Doctor: End of the tape. It ran out about 30 seconds ago.

The Empty Child: I'm here, now! Can't you see me?

The Doctor: [realizing] I sent it to its room. *This* is its room!

The Doctor: Everybody lives, Rose. Just this once, everybody lives!

The Doctor: I've travelled with a lot of people, but you're setting new records for jeopardy friendly.

Captain Jack: Make yourself comfortable. Carry on with whatever it was you were... doing.

The Doctor: We were talking about dancing.

Captain Jack: It didn't look like talking.

Rose Tyler: It didn't feel like dancing.

The Doctor: [having secretly switched Jack's Sonic Blaster with a banana, he now uses it to create a hole in the wall for their escape] Go, now, don't drop the banana!

Captain Jack Harkness: Why not?

The Doctor: [as if vitally important] Good source of potassium!

Mrs. Harcourt: My leg's grown back! When I come to the hospital, I had one leg...

Doctor Constantine: Well, there is a war on... is it possible you miscounted?

Captain Jack: [about The TARDIS] Much bigger on the inside.

The Doctor: You'd better be.

Rose: I think what the Doctor's trying to say is - you may cut in.

Rose Tyler: Are the words 'distract the guard' heading in my general direction?

The Doctor: I don't think that's such a good idea.

Rose Tyler: Don't worry. I can handle it.

Captain Jack Harkness: I've gotten to know Algy quite well since I've been in town. Trust me, you're not his type. I'll distract him. Don't wait up.

The Doctor: Relax. He's a fifty-first century guy. He's just a bit more flexible when it comes to 'dancing'.

Rose Tyler: How flexible?

The Doctor: Well, by his time, you lot are spread out across half the galaxy.

Rose Tyler: Meaning?

The Doctor: So many species, so little time.

Rose Tyler: What, that's what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life and...


Rose Tyler: and...

The Doctor: [nodding] Dance.

[smiles at his clever pun]

The Doctor: [on Jack] So, where'd you pick this one up, then?

Rose: Doctor...

Captain Jack: She was hanging from a barrage balloon, I had an invisible spaceship.


Captain Jack: I never stood a chance.

[Rose slowly smiles, obviously flattered]

The Doctor: What's life. Life's easy. A quirk of matter. Nature's way of keeping meat fresh. Nothing to a nanogene.

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The Doctor: There isn't a little boy born who wouldn't tear the world apart to save his mummy. And this little boy can.

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[when asked by Rose to dance]

The Doctor: Rose, I'm trying to resonate concrete...

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Nancy: Yes, I am your mummy. I will always be your mummy.

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The Doctor: [to Captain Jack] Close the door, will you? Your ship's about to blow up - there's gonna be a draft.

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Captain Jack: [as he comes to 'distract' Algy] Hey, Tiger. How's it hanging?

Algy: [turns around, confused look on his face] Mummy?

Captain Jack: Algy, old sport, it's me.

Algy: [still looks confused, but trying to register Jack's words] Mummy?

Captain Jack: It's me, Jack.

Algy: Jack?

[really trying to focus on him]

Algy: Are you my... mummy?

[suddenly starts coughing; drops to his knees, Jack watches in horror as Algy transforms into a gasmask creature]

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