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"Doctor Who" The Christmas Invasion (TV Episode 2005) Poster

(TV Series)

(2005)

Quotes

The Tenth Doctor: Look at these people, these human beings. Consider their potential! From the day they arrive on the planet, blinking, step into the sun, there is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than - no, hold on. Sorry, that's The Lion King...

The Doctor: My head!

[groans in pain]

The Doctor: I'm having a neuron implosion... I need...

Jackie Tyler: What do you need?

The Doctor: I need...

Jackie Tyler: Just say it!

The Doctor: I need...

Jackie Tyler: Tell me, tell me, tell me!

The Doctor: I need...

Jackie Tyler: Painkillers!

The Doctor: I need...

Jackie Tyler: D'you need aspirin?

The Doctor: I need...

Jackie Tyler: Codeine? Paracetamol? Oh, I dunno, Pepto-Bismol?

The Doctor: I need...

Jackie Tyler: Liquid paraffin? Vitamin C, vitamin D, vitamin E?

The Doctor: I need...

Jackie Tyler: Is it food? Something simple? Bowl of soup? Nice bowl of soup? Soup and a sandwich? Bowl of soup and a nice ham sandwich?

The Doctor: I *need* you to *shut up*!

Jackie Tyler: Oooh, he hasn't changed that much, has he?

Rose Tyler: [after checking the Doctor's heart-rate with a stethoscope] Both working...

Jackie Tyler: What d'you mean, both?

Rose Tyler: Well, he's got two hearts.

Jackie Tyler: Oh, don't be stupid.

Rose Tyler: He has!

Jackie Tyler: [pause] Anything else he's got two of?

The Doctor: We haven't got much time. If there's pilot fish then... why is there an apple in my dressing gown?

Jackie Tyler: Oh, that's Howard's, sorry.

The Doctor: He keeps apples in his dressing gown?

Jackie Tyler: He gets hungry...

The Doctor: What, he gets hungry in his sleep?

Jackie Tyler: Sometimes.

The Doctor: [to Rose having recovered from his regeneration] Did you miss me?

The Doctor: Now. First thing's first. Be honest. How do I look?

Rose Tyler: Different.

The Doctor: Good different or bad different?

Rose Tyler: Just different.

The Doctor: Am I... ginger?

Rose Tyler: No, you're sort of just... brown.

The Doctor: Aww, I wanted to be ginger. I've never been ginger! And you, Rose Tyler, fat lot of good you were, you gave up on me. Ooh, that's rude. Is that all I am now? Rude? Rude and not ginger?

The Doctor: Don't challenge me, Harriet Jones. 'Cause I'm a completely new man. I could bring down your Government with a single word.

Harriet Jones: You're the most remarkable man I've ever met. But I don't think you're quite capable of that.

The Doctor: No, you're right. Not a single word.

[pause]

The Doctor: Just six.

Harriet Jones: I don't think so.

The Doctor: Six words.

Harriet Jones: Stop it!

The Doctor: Six.

[approaches Alex, whispering in his ear]

The Doctor: Don't you think she looks tired?

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The Doctor: See, that's the thing, I'm the Doctor, but beyond that, I... I just don't know. I literally do not know who I am. It's all untested. Am I... funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy?

[He winks at Rose]

The Doctor: Right old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed, left-handed, a gambler, a fighter, a coward, a traitor, a liar, a nervous wreck - I mean, judging by the evidence, I've certainly got a gob!

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Sycorax Leader: You stand as this world's champion?

The Doctor: Thank you. I've no idea who I am, but you've just summed me up.

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The Doctor: [as Sycorax Leader celebrates cutting The Doctor's hand off] You cut my hand off! And now I know what sort of man I am. I'm lucky, because quite by chance, I'm still within the first 15 hours of my regeneration cycle, which means I have just enough residual cellular energy to do this.

[spontaneously grows hand back]

Sycorax Leader: Witchcraft?

The Doctor: Time Lord!

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Mickey Smith: Tea. While we're waiting for the world to come to an end. Very British.

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The Doctor: Tea! That's all I needed! Good cup of tea! Super-heated infusion of free-radicals and tannin, just the thing for healing the synapses...

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The Doctor: [the TARDIS has just crash landed on earth and a newly regenerated Doctor appears from within. He is a bit disorientated after his transformation] Here we are then. London, Earth... Solar system. I did it.

[seeing Jackie and Mickey]

The Doctor: Jackie, Mickey, blimey! No, no, no, no. Hold on. Wait there. I've got something to say. There's something I had to tell you. Something important. What was it? No, hold on, hold on... Oh, I know! Merry Christmas.

[he suddenly passes out. Rose emerges from the TARDIS]

Rose Tyler: What happened? Is he all right?

Mickey Smith: I don't know. He just keeled over. But who is he? Where's the Doctor?

Rose Tyler: That's him, right in front of you. That's the Doctor.

Jackie Tyler: What do you mean that's the Doctor? Doctor who?

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Rose Tyler: [the Doctor defeated the Sycorax Leader] Couldn't have said it better. Bravo.

[rose helps the doctor put on his robe]

The Doctor: Not bad for a man in his Jimjames very Authur Dent,

[the doctor reaches in to his robe pocket]

The Doctor: but what have I got in here

[the doctor pulls out something]

The Doctor: a satsuma

[he looks at rose]

The Doctor: oh that friend of your mothers, but doesn't that just some up, you go through all the present and right there tucked in the back is one stupid little satsuma, who wants a satsuma for...

[the sycoras leader runs up behind him with his sword, the doctor throws the satsuma at the control button]

The Doctor: No second chances I'm that sort of a man.

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The Doctor: [Doctor has just regenerated a new hand] This new hand, it's a fightin' hand!

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The Doctor: [still recently regenerated] Am I... Ginger?

Rose: No, you're just sort of... brown.

The Doctor: Aww, I wanted to be ginger. I've never been ginger. And you, Rose Tyler, fat lot of good you were. You gave up on me. Ooh, that was rude. Is that the kind of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger?

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Harriet Jones: [holds up card] Harriet Jones, Prime Minister.

various: Yes, we know who you are.

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Sycorax Leader: I can summon the armada and take this world by force!

The Doctor: Well, yeah, you *could*, you could do that, course you could, but *why*? Look at these people, these human beings, consider their potential. From the day they arrive on this planet and blinking, step into the sun, there is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do... no, hold on... sorry, that's the Lion King... but the point still stands! Leave them alone!

Sycorax Leader: Or what?

The Doctor: Or...

[grabs Sycorax broadsword]

The Doctor: ...I challenge you!

[the Sycorax roar and shout]

The Doctor: Ooh, that struck a chord...

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The Doctor: I gave them the wrong warning. I should have told them to run, as fast as they can. Run and hide, because the monsters are coming - the human race.

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The Doctor: By the ancient rights of combat, I forbid you to scavenge here for the rest of time. And when you go back to the stars and tell others of this planet, when you tell them of its riches, its people, its potential, when you talk of the Earth, then make sure that you tell them this...

[shouts]

The Doctor: ...it is defended!

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Sycorax Leader: I can summon the armada and take this world by force.

The Doctor: Well, yeah, you could. Yeah, you could do that, of course you could. But why? Look at these people: these human beings. Consider their potential. From the day they arrive on the planet, and blinking step into the sun. There is more to see than can ever be seen. More to do than - no, hold on... Sorry, that's the 'Lion King'. But the point still stands.

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Jackie Tyler: I'm gonna be killed by a Christmas tree!

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The Doctor: [on the verge of collapsing again] The pilot fish... the pilot fish mean... something... something... something's coming...

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Jackie Tyler: Well, I reckon you're mad, the pair of you. It's like you go looking for trouble.

The Doctor: Trouble's just the bits in-between! It's all waiting out there, Jackie. And it's brand new to me - all those planets and creatures and horizons! I haven't seen them yet, not with these eyes. And it is gonna be... fantastic!

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[last lines]

Rose: So, where we gonna go first?

The Doctor: [pointing into the sky] Um. That way. No, hold on - that way.

Rose: That way?

The Doctor: Mmm?

Rose: [smiling] Yeah. That way.

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The Doctor: See, that's all blood control is - cheap bit of voodoo. Scares the pants off you, but that's as far as it goes. It's like hypnotism. You can hypnotise someone to walk like a chicken or sing like Elvis, you can't hypnotise them to *death* - survival instinct's too strong.

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The Doctor: [to the Sycorax leader] So - do you accept my challenge? Or are you just a clallachpeldassacrissalvac?

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The Doctor: ...And how am I gonna react when I see this? A great, big, threatening button. A great, big, threatening button which must not be pressed under any circumstances, am I right? Looks like some sort of control matrix. But what's powering it? Blood?

[tastes red liquid]

The Doctor: Yep, blood. Human blood. A positive... with just a dash of iron. Agh. That means... Blood control. Blood Control! Oh, I haven't seen blood control for years! So you're controlling all the A positives. WHich leaves us with a great, big, stinkin' problem. I really don't know who I am. I don't know when to stop. So if I see a great, big, threatening button which should never ever ever be pressed, then I just want to do this.

[presses button]

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Rose: I, um, I address the Sycorax, um, according to... Article 15 of the Shadow Proclamation. I command you to *leave* this world with all the authority of... the Slitheen Parliament of Raxacoricofallapatorious, and, um, the Gelth Confederacy, as, uh, sanctioned by the Mighty Jagrafess, and, ooh! the Daleks! Now *leave* this planet in *peace*! In peace.

[long pause]

Sycorax Leader: [laughs] Shoo gon gon flak shkee-re!

Alex: "You are very very funny."

Sycorax Leader: Shoo galeah shak sheefflik!

Alex: "And now you're going to die."

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Sycorax Leader: If sho pa pass your planet ma we kas champion..."

Alex: [translating] "If this is the best your planet has for a champion..."

Sycorax Leader: Then your world will be gutted...

Alex: "Then your would will be gutted..."

Sycorax LeaderAlex: ...and your people enslaved.

Alex: Hold on, that's English.

Harriet Jones: He's talking English!

Rose: You're talking English.

Sycorax Leader: I would never dirty my tongue with your primitive bile!

Rose: That's English. Can you hear English?

Harriet Jones: Yes.

Mickey Smith: Yeah, that's English.

Alex: Definitely English.

Sycorax Leader: [yelling] I speak only Sycoraxic!

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The Doctor: From the day they arrive on the planet, and blinking step into the sun, there's more to see than can ever be seen, more to- wait that's The Lion King.

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The Doctor: Now, first things first. Be honest, how do I look?

Rose Tyler: Uh... different.

The Doctor: Am I... ginger?

Rose Tyler: No, you're just sort of... brown.

The Doctor: Aw! I always wanted to be ginger!

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[first lines]

The Doctor: Jackie, Mickey, blimey! No, no, no, no, hold on. Wait there! I've got something to say. I've got something I had to tell you. Something important, what was it? No, no, no, hold on. Tch tch tch tch... Oh, I know! Merry Christmas!

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Sycorax Leader: [shouts] I demand to know who you are!

The Doctor: [shouts, imitating him] I don't know!

The Doctor: See, there's the thing. I'm the Doctor, but beyond that, I - I just don't know. I literally do not know who I am. It's all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy?

[he winks at Rose]

The Doctor: Am I an old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed? Left-handed? A gambler? A fighter? A coward? A traitor, a liar, a nervous wreck? I mean, judging by the evidence, I've certainly got a gob.

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The Doctor: No second chances. I'm that sort of a man.

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The Doctor: Mickey! Hello. And Harriet Jones for Flydale North. Blimey, it's like "This Is Your Life."

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Harriet Jones: I know that at this time it is the Queen's speech, but there is something more important. But don't worry, the Royal Family are okay.

[turns off camera]

Harriet Jones: Are they all right?

[muttering]

Harriet Jones: Ah, they're on the roof as well.

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The Doctor: Is that the kind of person I am? Rude and not ginger?

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Major Blake: I'm getting demands from Washington, ma'am. The President is insisting that he takes control of this situation.

Harriet Jones: You can tell the President - and please use these exact words - "He's not my boss and he's certainly not turning this into a war!"

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Danny Llewellyn: That means they might not be Martians at all!

Major Blake: Of course not, Martians look completely different.

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Danny Llewellyn: You seem to be talking about aliens as a matter of fact!

Harriet Jones: There's an act of parliament banning my autobiography.

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The Doctor: Blood control. Blood control! You're controlling all the A positives.

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Sycorax: Who are you?

The Doctor: Well, that's the question, isn't it?

Sycorax: I demand to know who you are!

The Doctor: I DON'T KNOW! I mean, I know I'm the Doctor, but beyond that, I-I just don't know. I literally do not know who I am. So I'm testing. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic?

[hopeful]

The Doctor: Sexy?

[winks]

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The Doctor: Answer me honestly. Am I ginger?

Rose Tyler: No, you're just kinda... brown.

The Doctor: Aww, I wanted to be ginger!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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