Captain Jack Harkness: What's a Defabricator?
Captain Jack Harkness: [his clothes get disintegrated]
Captain Jack Harkness: Okay, defabricator, does exactly what it says on the tin. Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?
Captain Jack Harkness: Ladies, your viewing figures just went up.
Dalek: It is the Doctor. He has located us. Open communications channel!
Dalek: The female will stand! Stand!
[the screen comes up]
Dalek: I will talk to the Doctor.
The Doctor: Oh, will you? That's nice. Hello!
Dalek: The Dalek stratagem nears completion. The fleet is almost ready. You will not intervene.
The Doctor: Oh, really? Why's that then?
Dalek: We have your associate. You will obey or she will be exterminated.
The Doctor: No.
[everyone looks at The Doctor, stunned]
Dalek: Explain yourself.
The Doctor: I said no.
Dalek: What is the meaning of this negative?
The Doctor: It means no!
Dalek: But she will be destroyed!
The Doctor: *No*! 'Cause this is what I'm gonna do - I'm gonna rescue her! I'm gonna save Rose Tyler from the middle of the Dalek fleet, and then I'm gonna save the Earth, and *then* - just to finish you off - I'm gonna wipe every last stinking Dalek out of the sky!
Dalek: But you have no weapons, no defences, no *plan*!
The Doctor: Yeah, and doesn't that scare you to death?
The Doctor: Rose?
Rose: Yes, Doctor?
The Doctor: I'm coming to get you.
Captain Jack Harkness: [as The Doctor tries to patch into the computer system, Jack turns to Lynda and smiles, offering his hand] Hey there!
Lynda: [bright friendly smile] Hello.
Captain Jack Harkness: [as they shake hands] Captain Jack Harkness.
Lynda: Lynda Moss.
Captain Jack Harkness: Nice to meet you, Lynda Moss.
The Doctor: [not looking up, sounds annoyed] Do you mind flirting outside?
Captain Jack Harkness: [mildly defensive] I was just saying hello.
The Doctor: For you, that's flirting.
Lynda: [hand still linked with Jack's] I'm not complaining.
Captain Jack Harkness: [smiles back] Muchas gracias.
[kisses her hand]
Lynda: A hundred years ago. What?
[follows him to another door]
Lynda: You were here 100 years ago?
The Doctor: [glances back briefly as he walks] Yep.
Lynda: Well, you're looking good on it.
The Doctor: [turns around to face her; pointedly] I moisturize.
Captain Jack Harkness: That's impossible. I know those ships. They were destroyed.
The Doctor: Obviously they survived.
Lynda: Who did? Who are they?
The Doctor: Two hundred ships. More than two thousand on board each one. That's just about half a million of them.
Male Programmer: Half a million what?
The Doctor: Daleks.
[cut to the interior of the ship]
Dalek: Alert! Alert! We are detected!
[the Doctor is in the Diary Room]
The Davina Droid: You are live on channel 44,000. Please do not swear.
The Doctor: You have *got* to be kidding.
Female Programmer: If you're not holding us hostage, then open the door and let us out. The staff are terrified!
The Doctor: That's the same staff who execute hundreds of contestants every day?
Female Programmer: That's not our fault. We're just doing our jobs.
The Doctor: And with that sentence, you just lost the right to even talk to me. Now back off!
[the Controller is teleported onto the Dalek ship]
The Controller: Oh, my masters. You can kill me for I have brought your destruction!
[she is exterminated]
Male Programmer: [placing a logbook in front of Jack] Use that, it might contain the final numbers. I kept a log of all the unscheduled transmissions.
Captain Jack Harkness: [looks up at him; impressed] Nice, thanks.
[offers his hand]
Captain Jack Harkness: Captain Jack Harkness, by the way.
Male Programmer: [shakes hands with him] I'm Davitch Pavale.
Captain Jack Harkness: [smiling; in same tone he used when greeting Lynda] Nice to meet you, Davitch Pavale.
The Doctor: [looks down at Jack; annoyed again] There's a time and a place.
The Anne Droid: So, Rose, what do you actually do?
Rose Tyler: I just travel about a bit. Bit of a tourist,
Rose Tyler: I suppose.
The Anne Droid: Another way of saying unemployed?
Rose Tyler: No.
The Anne Droid: Have you got a job?
Rose Tyler: [sounding less confident] Well, not really, no.
The Anne Droid: Then you *are* unemployed. And yet you've still got enough money to buy peroxide.
Captain Jack Harkness: [after listening to Trin-e and Zu-Zana discuss what they're going to do to him] Hold on, ladies, I don't want to have to shoot either one of you.
Zu-Zana: But you're unarmed.
Trine-e: [as Jack reaches behind his back] You're naked.
Trine-e: [Jack has just revealed a small gun that he now points at Trin-e] But that's a Compact Laser Delux.
Zu-Zana: Where were you hiding that?
Captain Jack Harkness: [with the gun pointing at Zu-Zana] You *really* don't want to know.
Trine-e: [moving forwards] Give me that accessory!
[points gun back at Trin-e, shoots her and then Zu-Zana, blowing their heads to pieces]
The Anne Droid: You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
The Doctor: The human race. Brainless sheep, being fed on a diet of - mind you, have they still got that program where three people have to live with a bear?
Lynda: Oh, Bear With Me? I love that one!
The Doctor: And me. The celebrity edition, where the bear...
The Doctor: But it's all gone wrong! I mean, history's gone wrong. Again!
Dalek: The Doctor is initiating hostile action.
Dalek: The stratagem must advance. Begin the invasion of Earth.
Dalek: The Doctor will be exterminated.
[the camera cuts back to reveal thousands of Daleks]
Daleks: Exterminate. Exterminate!
Daleks: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!
Trine-e: And now it's time for the face off.
Captain Jack Harkness: What does that mean? Do I get to...
Captain Jack Harkness: ...compete with someone else?
Trine-e: No, like I said: face... off.
[has raised both hands to reveal syringes and a chain saw]
The Anne Droid: Rose, you leave this life with nothing.
Captain Jack Harkness: [about to open the door to Archive 6]
Female Programmer: [authoritatively and loudly] You're not allowed in there. Archive 6 is out of bounds.
Captain Jack Harkness: [raising his two large guns; shouts] Do I look like an 'out of bounds' sort of guy?
Lynda: You got chosen.
The Doctor: [the Doctor looks confused] Chosen for what?
Lynda: You're a housemate, you're in the house!
Lynda: Isn't that brilliant?
Strood: That's not fair! I've been here all eight weeks, I've played by all the rules and then he just comes swanning in!
Crosbie: If they keep changing the rules like this I'm going to protest, I am. I'm gonna... paint the walls!
Rose: [Leans towards Rodrick's podium] But I'm not supposed to be here!
Rodrick: [Pushes Rose back] Just shut up and play the game!
Rose: Alright then, what the hell. I'm gonna play to win!
The Anne Droid: Broff, the Great Cobalt Pyramid is built on the remains of which famous Old Earth institute?
The Anne Droid: No, Torchwood.
The Anne Droid: Rose, in the holovid series Jupiter Rising, the Grexnik is married to whom?
Rose Tyler: [laughing hysterically] How should I know?
Rose Tyler: Colleen was clever, she banked all our money, why'd you vote for her?
Rodrick: 'Cause I want to keep you in. You're stupid. You don't even know the Princess Vossaheen's surname. When it comes to the final, I want to be up against you. So you get disintegrated and I get a stackload of credits. Courtesy of the Bad Wolf Corporation.
Rose Tyler: What do you mean? Who's Bad Wolf?
Rodrick: They're in charge, they run the game station.
Rose Tyler: What are they called Bad Wolf?
Rodrick: I don't know, it's just a name. It's like an Old Earth nursery rhyme sort of thing.
Lynda: There's 100 different games
The Doctor: Like what?
Lynda: There's 10 floors of Big Brother, there's a different house behind each of these doors, and then beyond that there's all sorts of shows. It's nonstop. There's Call My Bluff, with real guns. Countdown, where you got 30 seconds to stop the bomb going off. Ground Force, which is a nasty one. You get turned into compost. Wipeout, speaks for itself. Oh, and Starts in Their Eyes, literally, stars in their eyes. If you don't sing, you get blinded.
The Doctor: And you watch this stuff?