Joel Larsen: [about Isabelle's date] He cheats on her.
Pat Brody: [shocked] What? When?
Joel Larsen: I-I don't remember, I just remember Isabelle was devastated. It broke her heart.
Pat Brody: What do we do about it?
Joel Larsen: Well, when they were going out, we acted like our jealous, petty selves, and then when he dumped her, we said "I told you so."
Pat Brody: Good, we'll do the same thing again.
Joel Larsen: No! No, this time we're gonna stop it before it happens! Nobody messes with our girl!
Pat Brody: [enthusiastic] Right!
Pat Brody: Damn!
Joel Larsen: What?
Pat Brody: I really wanted to see Xanadu.
Joel: [voice over] Oh, god, the block party! I hope this isn't the year my dad made sweat shirts.
[Bill comes down the stairs with a sweat shirt which says "Larsen's kick ass", and Joel has an awkward flashback where he re-live some seconds of that day]
Joel: Yep, this is the year.
Isabelle Meyers: Dave is my first real boyfriend. You guys should be happy for me.
Joel Larsen: We just don't wanna see you get hurt.
Isabelle Meyers: Stop worrying! Dave and I are doing great. Do you know what he calls me? Hisabelle. Get it? His - Isabelle - Hisabelle! Isn't that so cute?
[Joel and Pat are looking at each other, not thinking that is very cute]
Isabelle Meyers: I really need to get some girlfriends.
Pat Brody: [about Dave] Do you think we can take him?
Joel Larsen: Maybe for frozen yogurt. But in a fight, we die.
Joel Larsen: Pat, something has to be done.
Pat Brody: Well, you already tried to change the race. Now you just gotta have to change Bill.
Joel Larsen: I've been trying to change him for twenty years. Now I have 'til Saturday!
Joel Larsen: I'm dropping out.
Bill Larsen: No, you're not! This race means everything. You're doing it, and that's all there is to it.
Joel Larsen: For god's sake, it's a stupid three-legged race! Who cares if we win? You're so damn competitive, you always have to be right! Nobody wants to be around a person like that.
Bill Larsen: Hey! Hey...
Joel Larsen: No! You may not realize it, because you're in your own little world, but you're driving everyone away! That's why you won the basketball game, that's why I don't play golf with you anymore when you retire, and it's why you end up old and alone!
[tries to leave, but is stopped by the rope that ties their legs together]
Joel Larsen: Damn common leg!
Bill Larsen: Now, what are the Larsens gonna do?
Cheryl Larsen: We're gonna kill 'em!
Bill Larsen: That's right!
Cheryl Larsen: We're gonna kill 'em, and then suck out their hearts through their entrails!
Karen Larsen: Good luck, honey!
Cheryl Larsen: Luck is for the weak.
Karen Larsen: Okay, then.
Cheryl Larsen: What are you smiling at? We didn't even win.
Bill Larsen: Well, sometimes, honey, winning isn't everything.
Cheryl Larsen: That's loser talk.
Isabelle Meyers: Go ahead, tell me "I told you so."
Joel Larsen: No, we would never say that. Come on. There might be something we can do to make you feel better.
Isabelle Meyers: I doubt it.
Joel Larsen: Trust me.
Joel: [voice over] I think what hurt Isabelle more than catching Dave, was that we weren't there for her the first time around.
Isabelle Meyers: [while ruining Dave's locker stuff] You know what? This does make me feel better.
Pat Brody: I told you so.
Isabelle Meyers: You two are the best girlfriends. So how was the block party?
Joel Larsen: Great! I broke your dad's nose.