- Earl Sinclair: [Earl, Roy, and Charlene have finished performing at a USO show]
- Earl Sinclair: I didn't see Robbie. Did anyone see Robbie?
- Roy Hess: They loved us. One guy threw me his keys.
- Charlene Sinclair: Oh Daddy. I know what I want to do now! No more aimlessly drifting through life. I was born to give pleasure to whole groups of boys!
- Earl: Fran, it's a nightmare out there, our boys are getting their eyes poked out! Everything we've been told is a lie!
- Charlene Sinclair: Dad, I can't go out there. I'm too nervous.
- Roy Hess: Oh. Here's a tip for stage fright.
- Charlene Sinclair: What?
- Roy Hess: Imagine the audience is in their underwears.
- Charlene Sinclair: Two thousand teenage boys in their underwear? See you on stage.
- Earl Sinclair: Hello, soldier. You have a special girl waiting for you at home?
- Soldier: Just my Mom.
- Earl Sinclair: Well you know, you really should try dating somebody outside your immediate family.
- General H. Norman Conquest: You! Where do you think you're going? This is a war zone.
- Earl Sinclair: But my son...
- General H. Norman Conquest: And you brought a ray of sunshine to it, little lady. I just want to say thank you.
- Earl Sinclair: Oh, if there was only more that I could give. Well, if you'll excuse me...
- General H. Norman Conquest: No need to run off. We're just getting to know each other.
- Earl Sinclair: Uh, I'm not the kind of girl you think I am. Really.
- General H. Norman Conquest: You know, there's a lot of things a male of my position can offer a hard-working girl like you.
- Earl Sinclair: Uh, believe me, I already have a lot of the same things you do.
- General H. Norman Conquest: For starters, perhaps you'd be interested in some silk stockings or chocolates?
- Earl Sinclair: No, General. Please. I don't... Chocolates?
- Sarge: Hey, lady! What are you doing out here? This is a war zone.
- Earl Sinclair: Are those sticks?
- Sarge: They ain't candy canes, missy. What do you think took this out?
- [points to his missing eye]
- Earl Sinclair: Uh, running with scissors?
- Sarge: Wrong! It was a stick with my name on it.
- Earl Sinclair: Wow. What are the odds?