TV Announcer: Why are you stuck in a boring dead end job?
Earl Sinclair: I don't know.
TV Announcer: Why does your boss always yell at you?
Earl Sinclair: Can't figure it out.
TV Announcer: Why is your life such a complete mess?
Earl Sinclair: Will you stop picking on me?
TV Announcer: Why ask why? DRINK ALCOHOL! Nobody likes a thinker! You might not be able to change your life, but at least you can change the way you look at it. Alcohol! The more you drink, the less you think!
Grandma Ethyl Phillips: [after hearing Earl describe the job of a tree-pusher]
Grandma Ethyl Phillips: Wow, that certainly sounds appealing. Where do I sign up?
Earl Sinclair: Ha ha ha, well you can't. They don't hire bitter, shrivelled-up old ladies.
Grandma Ethyl Phillips: Right, they usually only take big, fat slobs.
Earl Sinclair: She'll be dead soon, son.
Fran Sinclair: Alcohol's not the answer, it only just makes things worse. You just need to overcome your senses, and I made you your favorite dish: food.
[Fran brings it to Earl]
Earl Sinclair: [pushes it away, solemnly] Oh, Frannie, I can't eat, I can't go to work. There's no point. My life's a sham.
Fran Sinclair: [furiously] Earl Sneed Sinclair!
[Fran smashes the bowl of food on the floor which scares Earl]
Fran Sinclair: Sometimes you make me so MAD!
Earl Sinclair: Okay, okay, I'll eat. But do you have a dress to go with this hat?
Fran Sinclair: You have a wonderful life and a wonderful family, but if you can't see that for yourself, you can just stay in bed forever!
Fran Sinclair: [to herself] I bring him his lunch, but no!