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"Dilbert" The Gift (TV Episode 1999) Poster

(TV Series)

(1999)

Quotes

Dilbert: Why are people flying off the escalator? And what happened to Dogbert? And why do I think those questions are related?

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Alice: A gift certificate is completely different from cash.

Dilbert: No, it's not. They're both pieces of paper you can exchange for goods and services.

Alice: You're missing the point.

Dilbert: Actually, a gift certificate is worse than cash, because you can only use it in one place.

Wally: And it expires.

Alice: At least it shows some thought.

Dilbert: It shows defective thought. You're trading perfectly good money for something that does the same thing, only not as well.

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[Dilbert's "Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine" alarm clock turns on at 6:00 a.m]

Seven of Nine Alarm Clock: Get out of bed. Resistance is futile. Wake up and assimilate the day. Get out of bed. Resistance is futile. Wake up and assimilate the day.

[Dilbert wakes up in the middle of the second declaration]

Dilbert: I wonder if I could ever date a woman like Jeri Ryan.

Seven of Nine Alarm Clock: That too is futile.

Dilbert: Ok, that's enough out of you.

Seven of Nine Alarm Clock: Do not touch me.

Dilbert: Then how do I turn you off?

Seven of Nine Alarm Clock: Believe me, I am plenty turned off right now.

Dilbert: Clock-tease.

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Wally: Let's see, we're here.

Wally: We are?

Dilbert: Aren't we?

Dilbert: I suppose.

Wally: I could be wrong.

Asok: If we're not here, then were are we?

Wally: And if we are here

[pointing to mall map]

Wally: , were is here?

Dilbert: Isn't here

[pointing at mall map]

Dilbert: there?

Asok: I would think here

[pointing to ground]

Asok: is here.

Wally: You would.

Dilbert: Here's there

[pointing at mall map]

Dilbert: .

Wally: There's here.

Dogbert: sigh

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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