Willis Jackson: Come on, Dad, what's on your mind? It's about that fight with Arnold and Maggie, isn't it?
Philip Drummond: Maggie's no problem, she's an adult, we've had a lot of disagreements together. But Arnold has me worried, I've never seen him so upset.
Willis Jackson: I've never seen you so upset, not even when we painted your bathtub our school colors.
Philip Drummond: Thanks for the memory.
Arnold Jackson: I'm going to the meeting of the League for Social Responsibility.
Mr. Lopez: Oh really?
Arnold Jackson: Yeah, they're my main man.
Mr. Lopez: Since when?
Arnold Jackson: Since, as long as I can remember.
Charlie: Probably even longer.
Mr. Lopez: Arnold, you realize of course the League does have very strong racial positions.
Arnold Jackson: Racial, yeah I know, hey I'm even thinking about joining the Brothers.
Mr. Lopez: Is that so?
Arnold Jackson: Yeah, right on!
Mr. Lopez: Arnold, they hate black people.
Arnold Jackson: Yeah but guys, you can only fling a tomato so far. What else can we use to bean these bigots?
Dudley Ramsey: Hey, my mother's got a zucchini that's been in our fridge so long it walked from one shelf to the other.
Arnold Jackson: Hey that's perfect! Now a zucchini is perfect, you can use it like a dart, it's perfect for distance and accuracy.
Sam McKinney: But you gotta be careful with zucchinis, if they're too gushy they'll come apart in your hand, and if they're not rotten enough they won't squash when you hit a girl. Then she'll have a chance to throw it back at you.
Arnold Jackson: Exactly, now Sam if you were going throwing fruit, uh at girls, what would you use?
Sam McKinney: Well, my friends prefer cantaloupes, seasonal but effective. They maintain their trajectory and when they hit they go PWEW all over the place.
Arnold Jackson: Dad, have you heard about the League for Social Responsibility?
Philip Drummond: The hate group?
Arnold Jackson: Yeah, well they hate black people and other minorities.
Philip Drummond: Isn't that league having a rally... oh yes, now I understand the reference to flying fruit.
Dudley Ramsey: Flying rotten fruit.
Arnold Jackson: Yeah we're gonna shut them down, it's gonna be great.
Arnold Jackson: Dad, how am I supposed to disrupt the meeting?
Philip Drummond: You're not!
Arnold Jackson: Why not? You know these people are planning to ship blacks out of the country, or worse?
Philip Drummond: Look, I know this bunch is despicable, but the Constitution guarantees their right to speak. That's part of the First Amendment, that's what makes America so special.
Arnold Jackson: First Amendment, they don't believe in that First Amendment or any of the others.
Philip Drummond: That doesn't matter, if we're allowed to take away their rights, what's to stop another group from coming along and taking away ours? They have a right to speak.
Arnold Jackson: But they hate me just because of the color of my skin!
Philip Drummond: Now Arnold, I'm telling you as your father...
Arnold Jackson: My father would be out there throwing fruit with me and wouldn't bother taking it out of the can!
Philip Drummond: [firmly] Arnold...
Arnold Jackson: I don't have to listen to you, you're not my real father anyway.
Maggie McKinney Drummond: Arnold, this does not require a whole lot of talking, throwing fruit is dead wrong.
Arnold Jackson: Big surprise, Mrs. Drummond is siding with Mr. Drummond.
Maggie McKinney Drummond: Arnold, come here. Listen, if it were me, I'd raise such a ruckus that the League would be sorry they ever set foot in this town, and let me tell you if there's anything you can do short of holding up the bigots and...
Philip Drummond: Maggie, hold it! What're you saying?
Arnold Jackson: Dad, let her finish!
Philip Drummond: Look Maggie, if you take away these people's rights, you are stooping to their level.
Maggie McKinney Drummond: Philip, the Nazis took advantage of Free Speech to gain power and THEN they abolished it. We would've been better off if somebody HAD stooped to their level and tried to stop them!
Arnold Jackson: Look, this has to do with prejudice, you know people of different races and different colors not getting along.
Sam McKinney: But the blacks and whites and all the other colors in my class all get along, and you and me get along, and that's not easy with your personality.
Arnold Jackson: Sam, the rest of the world is not like you or me or your class. There're people out there who hate you just because of the color of your skin.
Sam McKinney: Yeah the teacher talked to us about that the other day, it didn't make too much sense.
Arnold Jackson: Alright, what if they said little redheaded kids with freckles couldn't eat in the cafeteria anymore?
Sam McKinney: That'd be fine with me, Hamburger Hangar has much better food.
Arnold Jackson: Alright, what if you went there and they said you couldn't go in there either?
Sam McKinney: I'd go there anyway.
Arnold Jackson: What if there were 6 big bullies with baseball bats there waiting to tell you to go somewhere else?
Sam McKinney: But they can't do that! I'm allowed to eat there so long as I don't spoil my appetite for dinner. Did you say six bullies?
Philip Drummond: [about his travel agent] Arnold, you know Mrs. Gordon, she's helping us decide between Paris and Nashville.
Arnold Jackson: Any place in Japan is fine with me.
Arnold Jackson: I can't go on a vacation with Dad right now.
Sam McKinney: But Arnold, who am I going to terrorize bell captains with? And who's going to help me get kicked out of museums?
Maggie McKinney Drummond: What kind of a family are we going to be if we can't hang around each other anymore?
Arnold Jackson: Ah, don't worry about that, Sam, no matter what happens, this family will always stick together. Who else would want us?
Philip Drummond: Arnold you don't have to be a mindreader to realize I don't approve of what you're planning to do.
Arnold Jackson: Well what about the League is planning to do? They're sleazeballs!
Philip Drummond: Sleazeballs definitely, but that doesn't give you the right to throw fruit at them to keep them from speaking.
Arnold Jackson: You're right, vegetables are better.