- Rob Petrie: Well, Mr. Merkle and I had little difference of opinion.
- Laura Petrie: About what?
- Rob Petrie: Well, I wanted to play the part MY way and he kept insisting I do it RIGHT.
- Rob Petrie: I offered to do a little punching up of the script.
- Laura Petrie: Are you gonna be paid?
- Rob Petrie: No.
- Laura Petrie: Well, then the whole thing is more like a glorified home movie, huh?
- Laura Petrie: Ah, Rob, I just think you ought to find out a little more about it before you commit yourself.
- Rob Petrie: Well, I know everything.
- Laura Petrie: When do you start?
- Rob Petrie: Oh, I don't know.
- Laura Petrie: You have to join a union?
- Rob Petrie: G... I don't know.
- Laura Petrie: How long is it gonna take?
- Rob Petrie: Well, I... I don't know. I better find out more about this.
- Laura Petrie: You have something terrible to tell me, don't you?
- Rob Petrie: No.
- Laura Petrie: Yeah, I think you do.
- Rob Petrie: Honey, that's a picture of the camera.
- Laura Petrie: The what?
- Rob Petrie: The... that's the... the... girl who's gonna play Rita Rivera.
- Laura Petrie: And instead of the lens, you're gonna be kissing HER?
- Rob Petrie: May I?
- Rob Petrie: Honey, the reason I brought this home was to discover just how upset you'd be if I made love to her. Obv... you know... within the confines of my movie career.
- Laura Petrie: Well, how upset do you THINK I should be... within the confines of your movie career?
- Rob Petrie: Well, I'd... based on what you know about me, I'd say not at all; but, uh, based on what you've seen of her, I-I'd... quite a bit.
- Sally Rogers: Hey Rob, that's more than just a pretty girl.
- Buddy Sorrell: Yeah, there's enough there for two pretty girls.
- Leslie Merkle: Hey Rob, that kiss was supposed to say "I don't love you any more."
- Rob Petrie: What am I saying?
- Leslie Merkle: It said, "I'm deathly afraid of you."