The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
Anthony Stone (1965)
Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie
Quotes
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Laura Petrie : [seeing the alligator purse Sally brought back for her from Jamaica] Oh, Rob, isn't it beautiful? Don't you love it?
Rob Petrie : Well, anything that helps rid the world of alligators, I'm for.
Laura Petrie : And I've got a pair of alligator shoes that'll go with it perfectly.
Rob Petrie : You have? Where?
Laura Petrie : Little shop on 34th street.
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Sally Rogers : Laura, you're the only one I can tell, but... but you gotta take an oath.
Laura Petrie : Oh, I'm very good at oaths.
Sally Rogers : Taking them or keeping them.
Laura Petrie : Both. Both.
Sally Rogers : You'll tell no one?
Laura Petrie : I promise.
Sally Rogers : [after a pause] And when you tell Rob, make HIM promise.
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Laura Petrie : Gee, that's a lovely suit.
Sally Rogers : This suit?
Laura Petrie : Is it silk?
Sally Rogers : No, it's one of those blends. You know, cotton and anthrax or somethin'.
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[Rob and Laura don't realize they're talking about two different matters]
Rob Petrie : Wait'll I tell you what I found out.
Laura Petrie : [musically] I found out, too.
Rob Petrie : You did? How?
Laura Petrie : Sally told me.
Rob Petrie : Sally TOLD ya?
Laura Petrie : Well, of course, darling. Don't you remember? That was the point for the whole luncheon.
Rob Petrie : You mean Sally KNOWS?
Laura Petrie : Well, naturally.
Rob Petrie : [flabbergasted] Well, she doesn''t care?
Laura Petrie : Oh, not too much.
Rob Petrie : I can't believe that.
Laura Petrie : Well, see, what she's really afraid of is that peple will kid her about it and make jokes.
Rob Petrie : JOKES? Honey, I don't see that that's anything to joke about.
Laura Petrie : Gee, Rob, you must be one of her square friends
Rob Petrie : SQUARE? Is that what you call it? You call is square?
Laura Petrie : You're really making an awful lot out of nothing.
Rob Petrie : WHAT?
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Laura Petrie : Rob, somebody has to tell her.
Rob Petrie : The dictionary says somebody is a person of unknown identity. You don't mean that. You mean me!
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Laura Petrie : Oh, the boys were right! He's connected with the underworld?
Sally Rogers : Well, in a sense... he's a mortician.
Laura Petrie : A MORTICIAN!
[Sally shushes her]
Laura Petrie : He BURIES people?
Sally Rogers : Well, I hope he don't keep 'em around the house!
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Laura Petrie : You haven't told her?
[That Tony is married]
Rob Petrie : Well, we were gonna, but we didn't get around to it...
Laura Petrie : But you'll call her tonight...
Rob Petrie : Well, honey, she has a date tonight...
Laura Petrie : Then you'll tell her in the morning...
Rob Petrie : Well, I hoped Tony would be gentleman enough to tell her tonight...
Laura Petrie : She'll just die!
Rob Petrie : Tony can take care of that, too.