- Sir John Glutton: [Spiker is admiring himself in the mirror] You'd be lost without that glass, Spiker. You strut in front of it like a crow in the gutter.
- Col Tranter: You are a swaggering cockscone!
- Dick Turpin: [posing as Spiker] Don't you call me names, or you will live to regret it!
- Col Tranter: A swaggering cockscone, a damned huffsnuff, a rogue, a rascal, a villian!
- Dick Turpin: You stupid old twit! I'll cut your heart out!
- Ffoulkes-Withers: Let me fight him, Colonel Tranter.
- Col Tranter: You boy? You couldn't fight a half witted kitten.
- Dick Turpin: I turned you into a hero and now Spiker's turned you back into a jellyfish.
- Ffoulkes-Withers: I'll hang myself if he marries her now.
- Dick Turpin: The rope would break.
- Phylida: I've always wanted to meet you. I read all the broadsheets. Father says he'll take me to your execution.
- Dick Turpin: Oh, lovely. I promise to wave.
- Phylida: I know all the stories about you.
- Dick Turpin: Oh, do you now? Yeah, well they're all lies.
- Phylida: How you rode to York...
- Dick Turpin: That wasn't me, that was Nevison.
- Phylida: ...and danced the carenata with a lady on Hounslow Heath.
- Dick Turpin: That was Duval.
- Phylida: And played dice with the Dutches?
- Dick Turpin: That was Colet. You really musn't trust all you read in those broadsheets.
- Phylida: [Spiker is aiming his pistol at Dick and Swiftnick] But you can't shoot them down in cold blood.
- Dick Turpin: That's the only kind he's got. There's lizards, snakes and Spiker.