- Dharma realizes how decadent Pete is when she offers to care for him after he pulls muscles in both arms, so she sets out to rehabilitate him. Guest staring: Andrew "Dice" Clay.
- Pete is helpless after breaking an arm, so Dharma insists to take him in. When she goes pick up his underwear, she realizes his life is as empty as his place dirty, and resolves to turn him into a modern, balanced man by her standards, a recipe for mutual disappointment. His piggish nature wins out, but a heavenly massage has a hellish twist.. Meanwhile Abby puts aside her aversion of Kitty's socialite style of fund-raising with fake awards, as that decuples the earnings needed to safeguard Spotswood Lake as a vital site for the endangered gray mallard. Alas celebrity Alan Alda has to cancel, so sleaze star Andrew Dice Clay takes his place, and the ducks have their own prejudice...—KGF Vissers
- In the middle of a typical in-law squabble, Dharma and Greg answer an emergency call and rush to hospital. There they find a partially immobilized Pete, who has dislocated both shoulders in a bizarre car accident. He picked up a date and turns out he had slept with her sister before. So, the date turns cranky and drives recklessly. Pete knows that he is not going to score and jumps out of the car.
Greg is not too pleased at Dharma's offer to nurse Pete back to health. Greg says that Pete wears an adult diaper to a football game. His last girlfriend set her head on fire. Pete starts staying at Dharma's place and Dharma does everything for him, including brushing his teeth. Greg has to help take Pete to the bathroom.
A traumatic visit to Pete's apartment to pick up his cat gives her far too much insight into Pete's life or lack thereof. Pete has minimal furniture in his house. He masturbates in front of the TV and his bedroom is beyond filthy. Dharma finds herself committed to cleansing her house guest both physically and spiritually. She decides to teach Pete to eat right, meditate, drink right, and become more sensitive and caring. Pete refuses to drink any Spirulina and says that it tastes like throw-up. But Pete is a real piece of work with low self-esteem and no respect for women or feminism. He is not picky when it comes to women. When Dharma asks him to meditate and expels the harmful energy from his body, Pete farts. Dharma is determined to find the decent human being hidden somewhere inside Pete's brain.
When Dharma gets strict with Pete, he runs away. Dharma and Greg go after him but can't find him anywhere. Pete was getting drunk at Hooters. When Pete returns, Dharma apologizes. She says that Pete is a pig, and she tried to turn him into a giraffe. Pete is afraid that Dharma is going to give up on him. He says that he is starting to respect women.
Meanwhile, Kitty convinces Abby's "Save the Ducks" fund raising committee that rather than making $800 with a raffle and bake sale (tickets to the raffle cost $1 each), they can raise $80,000 with a fancy celebrity dinner costing $100 per plate and featuring "Alan Alda, or one of the Baldwin boys". Kitty suggests that they will make up an award to felicitate the celebrity.
Trouble is when the event gets under way, the celebrity turns out to be not exactly environmentally aware Andrew Dice Clay. But the benefit dinner is abandoned when ducks lay stake on the grounds where the tent in pitched. Pete is all recovered now and has attended the benefit with Dharma. Dharma continues to guide Pete in not treating women only as sex objects.
Jane becomes addicted to the one acceptable item in Pete's apartment: his vibrating, um, massage chair.
Pete's final act of chauvinism, involving beautiful twin masseuses who live above a liquor store (whom he met at Kitty's fund raiser, where both the girls were working as waitresses), leaves him in a very embarrassing position indeed. One of his legs is hideously twisted out of its socket.
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