"Hubert is to public speaking what termites are to an old barn!"
Democrat Senator Hubert Horatio Humphrey was not the first politician to get a roast that year, but unlike Republican Senator Barry Goldwater, Hubert received the full hour-long format. Like Goldwater, Humphrey was the losing candidate for President the previous decade, providing much fertile ground for fun. First up is Pat Henry, who has many hilarious asides: "politics is a lot like sex- you don't have to be good at it to enjoy it!" Even better is Nipsey Russell, merely the first to comment on the Senator's famous verbosity, and how he conquers despair: "despair is having the girl say yes, and the desk clerk at the motel say no!" Gene Kelly goes over Hubert's daily regimen serving as Vice President under Lyndon Johnson: "woke up and had breakfast with the little woman- 7:00, returned home to the wife." Hall of Fame baseball manager Leo Durocher discusses the difference between being a good loser and a sore winner: "a guy who goes to a massage parlor, and really ends up with a massage!" Audrey Meadows shares a secret about why Hubert moved his office into the washroom: "he claimed it was the only place where the senators knew what they were doing!" Political satirists Mort Sahl and Mark Russell get in some decent barbs: "he had an eight hour conversation in the Kremlin with Nikita Khrushchev. Khrushchev asked Hubert how he was, and never got in another word! " Ted Knight claims to be somewhat disappointed about why he showed up: "I am a little surprised to see Hubert Humphrey here, they told me it was going to be somebody important." Rich Little does not disappoint with his Humphrey impression: "I was saying to my wife Muriel just the other day, I said Muriel and she said that's right...and I knew it was her because I never forget a face!" Playing Hubert's biographer is comedian Don Rice, like Mark Russell seen previously on the Barry Goldwater roast, who mentions Watergate, and how the Democrats once tried to bug the Republicans: "somebody stepped on the paper cup and broke their string!" Republican Senator Lowell Weicker shares his insight with his colleague on the dais: "someone once defined an optimist as a little old lady who starts to put her shoes on when Hubert Humphrey says 'and in conclusion.'" Last and certainly not least is Foster Brooks, naturally cast as Humphrey's campaign manager from the 1968 election: "instead of 'Tricky Dicky,' we'd have had Hubie the boobie!"
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