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"Deadwood" A Lie Agreed Upon: Part II (TV Episode 2005) Poster

Quotes

Al Swearengen: [Dolly sticks her thumb in Al's ass] Oh! Now, I'm halfway thinking this exaggerates the condition rather than alleviates it. If I might should query the Doc, but then that cocksucker will only ask after gleets.

[Al gasps]

Al Swearengen: Oh my God.

[Al tries to move away, but Dolly scoots after him and keeps her thumb in his ass]

Al Swearengen: Take it out. Take it out. Remove your fucking thumb.

[Dolly finally removes her thumb]

Al Swearengen: Why, if I was moving forward to get away from you, would you have fucking pursued me? When I stopped, pressed on yourself to drive your thumb into my intestine?

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Johnny Burns: Either Al got God, or Dolly just stuck her thumb back up his ass.

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[while working late at night in his cabin, Doc Cochran hears a thud, followed by Calamity Jane yelling at the passersby]

Calamity Jane: OW! Keep your fuckin' distance! Remain on your side of the street! Do not interfere with me in any way! Chinese cocksuckers! Ugh, Jesus...

[Cochran comes out of his cabin to find a drunken Jane lying in the mud next to her horse, her foot tangled in the stirrup]

Doc Cochran: Well, you are an entangled inebriate, are you not?

Calamity Jane: [slurring her words] This happens to be a rig and contraption of my own devising against repeated accidental falls that has temporarily malfunctioned.

Doc Cochran: Very well knotted.

[he begins untying her]

Calamity Jane: I'm back in camp, Cochran, 'cause I'm dyin', and I need a place to breathe my fuckin' last. And not for no human aid or consolation.

[Cochran struggles to untie the knot]

Calamity Jane: Jesus Christ, you're bad with your hands! If I wasn't practically fuckin' dead, I'd reach that knife and cut myself free.

[she grunts slightly]

Calamity Jane: Yeah, I just farted, so what?

[Cochran pulls the aforementioned knife out of a saddlebag]

Calamity Jane: Hey, hey hey!

[she grabs the knife out of his hands]

Calamity Jane: Don't you disarm me, you cocksucker! Lift me up so I can cut myself free!

[he gets behind Jane to pull her up by the armpits]

Doc Cochran: All right, ready?

[he lifts her up, and Jane cuts the rope that held her in place]

Doc Cochran: All right now, get under here.

[he lifts Jane to her feet by her armpits as she groans drunkenly]

Doc Cochran: Step inside and let me examine you. Even if you are past help, enhancing my understanding may allow others to benefit from your mortal illness.

Calamity Jane: Do you mock me, cocksucker?

Doc Cochran: No. Come on inside.

[Jane nods]

Doc Cochran: All right. There we go.

[he throws Jane's arm over his shoulder and walks her to the door]

Calamity Jane: [slurring her words again] Promise when I'm dead, you'll plant me with a view of where Bill is.

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Al Swearengen: The entire area of my fucking asshole is now one gigantic fucking throb. I have no idea what's transpiring in there.

Dolly: Shall I suck your prick?

Al Swearengen: Please.

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Tom Nuttall: Oh, he just twelve-pointed Slippery Dan.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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