Quinn: Mom, I need your help. This really mean guy drew an ugly picture of me and the Fashion Club at the art fair, and we want to sue for defamation of character.
Helen: Quinn, you can't sue for defamation of character; he didn't do anything to harm your reputation.
Quinn: Yes he did! He made my face look like one big freckle! Mom, the embarrassment, the pain, the suffering!
Helen: In the eyes of the law, pain and suffering are when a surgeon leaves his pager in your spleen.
Quinn: Ew! What if you were on a date and it started beeping?
Helen: [On the phone] Sandi, is Quinn all right?
Sandi Griffin: Actually, none of us are all right, given how we were cruelly maligned by that so-called "artist."
Helen: Sandi, I already explained to Quinn that a lawsuit is out of the question.
Sandi Griffin: Yes, so she told me. But, Quinn is a simple, uncomplicated girl and perhaps didn't consider other legal avenues we could explore to address our problem.
Helen: I'm really terribly busy.
Sandi Griffin: You see, given that this person is hardly an artist and therefore falsely represented himself, I thought we might take steps to have him disbarred.
Helen: Sandi, disbarring only applies to lawyers.
Sandi Griffin: Exactly, and you're a lawyer. So, you can do it, voila.