[on Phillipsvision, a machine that changes sad film endings to happier ones]
Jay Sherman: I don't want Rhett coming back to Scarlett. I don't want the guy from "My Left Foot" to become a punter for the Bears. I want Debra Winger, Ali MacGraw and Bambi's mother to die!
Jay Sherman: What if we find a cure for your disease, like in that film, "Lorenzo's Oil"?
Duke Phillips: Isn't that the picture you called a mixture of fantasy and crap?
Jay Sherman: Yes! I dubbed it "Fantacrap"!
Duke Phillips: Well, like most of America's cultural elite, I worship Pan, the goat god.
Duke Phillips: Thank you, Jay. After I die, you can eat my brain. It will give you power.
Jay Sherman: I did it! Oh, I'm a doc, a happy sneezy doc!
Jay Sherman: Ooh, I'm a sleepy happy sneezy doc. If I don't get to bed, I'll be a grumpy dopey sleepy happy sneezy doc.
Jay Sherman: Bashful.
Duke Phillips: [on the phone with Webster's Dictionary] How bout that other word I invented, "Duke-licious?" No one's using it? What a "Duke-tastrophe... "
[in Jurassic Park 2]
John Hammond: You may have us, but you'll never get off the island!
Raptor: [with a well spoken English accent] I beg to differ. For you see, the other Raptors and I have constructed a crude suspension bridge to Venezuela. Once there, I shall lie low and assume odd jobs under the name "Mr Pilkington." But perhaps I've said too much...
[smokes a pipe]