Edit

Randal Graves: Show us on the doll where they touched you.

Dante Hicks: Nobody touched me.

Randal Graves: Who was it? There's no more running from your past. Who touched you?

Dante Hicks: I hate you.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Randal Graves: State your name and latest film.

George Lucas: George Lucas, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

Randal Graves: And, do you think Phantom Menace is as good a movie as Empire?

George Lucas: Well, certainly, I, uh, think it's the best movie I've made yet.

Randal Graves: Permission to treat this witness as hostile. Mr. Lucas, how do you explain that in Star Wars, Obi-Wan tells Luke that when he met his father he was a great pilot, but in Menace he's just a little boy?

George Lucas: Uh, well, my... my kids thought...

Randal Graves: And how come Obi-Wan tells Luke that Yoda is the Jedi that trained him, but in the movie Liam Neeson trains Obi-Wan?

George Lucas: Uh, well, the power of myth...

Randal Graves: Isn't it true you knew this was a bad movie, that you wrote it over a weekend but kept telling people it was done for years?

Lawyer: Objection, your honor. The pod race was pretty cool.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[following a long series of dream sequences]

Randal Graves: Hey wait. Are you the biggest idiot ever?

Dante Hicks: No, you are.

Randal Graves: Okay, then, this isn't a dream.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Judge Reinhold is the judge of the courtroom]

Judge Reinhold: Mister Hicks, you are out of order.

[suddenly reminiscent]

Judge Reinhold: Just like Spicoli in Mister Hand's history class...

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Bailiff: All rise for the honorable Judge Reinhold.

[everyone in the court laughs]

Bailiff: Show some respect for Judge Reinhold. Sorry, Judge.

Judge Reinhold: That's alright. It's more laughs than I got in "Head Office."

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Randal is going to defend Dante at his trial]

Dante Hicks: What are you doing? You're gonna get us both sent to jail!

Randal Graves: In Virginia, anyone who passes the bar can be a lawyer.

Dante Hicks: You haven't passed the bar! And this isn't Virginia!

Randal Graves: They don't know that!

Lawyer: Your Honor, may I point out that this man is not a lawyer, and we are relatively sure this is not Virginia.

Randal Graves: Your Honor, may *I* point out that I've seen all of your movies, including "Zandalee" and "Vice Versa."

Judge Reinhold: I'm going to allow it.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Randal Graves: State your name and occupation.

Nichole Corwin: Nichole Corwin. I work at the mall.

Randal Graves: Do you remember seeing me at the mall?

Nichole Corwin: Yeah, you're the guy they threw out of the bookstore.

Randal Graves: Correct. What is your phone number, Miss Corwin?

Nichole Corwin: 555-0145.

Randal Graves: Thank you.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lawyer: Your honor, if it pleases the court, we'd like to play the 911 tapes from that fateful night.

911 Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Jay: Shut up, shut up. Yeah, we need an ambulance at 1611 Uranus Avenue. I said Uranus.

911 Operator: Sir what's your name?

Jay: Uranus. I said it again, Randal.

Randal Graves: Good one Jay. Now hang up.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Randal Graves: The defense now calls Steven Spielberg.

Lawyer: Your honor, what is the point of this?

Dante Hicks: I agree.

Randal Graves: Your honor, you've also never been in a Spielberg movie.

Judge Reinhold: I was in Gremlins.

Randal Graves: But not Gremlins 2.

Judge Reinhold: You're right. I'm going to allow it.

Randal Graves: Man, what was the deal with Hook? I want my 8 bucks back.

Randal Graves: [Joel Schumacher is on the stand in his batsuit] Man, Batman & Robin was so gay.

[Spike Lee and Woody Allen give Randal his money back]

Randal Graves: The defense rests, your honor.

Dante Hicks: You're resting? How are we doing?

Randal Graves: Great.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Judge Reinhold: Has the jury reached a verdict?

Reggie Miller: Yes. In the case of Jay vs. Dante Hicks, we find in favor of... Randal, the best lawyer in the world and give him 10 million dollars.

Dante Hicks: I'm Dante and I'm the biggest idiot ever.

Randal Graves: [after he wakes up from his dream] I have to put that one in my dream journal.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Randal Graves: Why the hell is he called Silent Bob, anyway?

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Lawyer: Here to question Mr. Hicks are two giggling girls.

Girl: Okay. Do you, like, have a girlfriend?

Dante Hicks: No, I don't have a girlfriend.

Girl: Omigod, I told you.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Korean Animators: Who's driving? Oh my God, BEAR is driving. How can that be?

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[after making Jay fall down for the second time in fifteen seconds]

Randal Graves: Classic. I could do this for hours.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[after he fails to throw a can in the trashcan]

Randal Graves: That's weird, I could have sworn I got game.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Judge Reinhold: Has the jury reached a verdict?

Reggie Miller: In the case of Jay vs. Dante Hicks, we find in favor of...

[cut to black]

Korean Animators: Big American Party. Everybody disco dancing.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Dante is on trial]

Randal Graves: Mr. Hicks, in sixth grade, did you or did you not urinate all over the boys' bathroom floor?

Dante Hicks: That was you!

Randal Graves: Yes or no!

Dante Hicks: No!

Randal Graves: I might remind you that you're under oath.

Dante Hicks: No, it was you.

Randal Graves: Your Honor, strike that from the record.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Axel Foley: Billy, I need your help!

Judge Reinhold: All right! Axel!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Dante is on trial]

Narrator: This is the defendant, Dante Hicks. His friend Randal says that he suffers from chronic nocturnal emissions during which he cries out the name of the heavyset woman with the receding hairline they always see at the Laundromat.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Randal Graves: At this point, I'd like to point out that neither my client nor myself recognize this court's authority.

Judge Reinhold: Very well.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Korean Animators: Car full of midgets!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Angry Customer: I'm gonna burn this place to the ground, and pee pee on the ashes!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page